Geez........I soooooo wanted to play Trixie today but she just wasn't willing to play nice! First of all my boobies look more deflated than usual today - don't know why but not like there is a whole lot that I can do about it at this point...........SO - I put on my cute low cut Trixie shirt only to realize that the girls were not going to cooperate (yeah even after triple stuffing the padding in the bra)..........seems like some days they have a mind of their own. At this point I have spent 12 minutes of my usual 35 allotted "get fergilicious" beauty routine to do nothing but tug, pull, shape and attempt to fashion some extra skin into cleavage........lets just say it was not a pretty sight and I am fairly convinced that my cats are traumatized for life!!!
Next on my list of Trixie projects was to wriggle my ass into a pair of my favorite jeans - you know kind of like the Calvin Klein commercial where the jeans just slide up - yeah right!! So picture me - Barbie, jumping up and down attempting to get these jeans to "slide" up.........I did finally reach the point of saying screw it "don't slide up" just f'ing come up!!!! After much sucking and tucking (yep, Swizzle - I fold and tuck my Pannus.......sorry!) I got the jeans up.......at this point I am breathing like a woman in labor who is using lamaze techniques - Ken is fast asleep in the bed that I was forced to evacuate just a few short minutes ago but at this point, with all the racket, he has decided that it may be a good idea to take his life into his own hands and CHECK ON TRIXIE.........he knocks, I respond with "go pee outside" - we have one bathroom and at this point I have no intention of leaving my post to let him in......wet the damn bed for all I care.........I now only have 10 minutes to look Trixie-ish and lets face it - 10 minutes ain't gonna cut it! He responds with "what is all that noice - I just wanted to make sure that you're okay".........I'm fine - go back to bed!!! I hear him sulk off........don't really care - I get the shirt on, boobs are just not working at all today - I am really considering going back into my room to see if they fell off in the night or something - this is pitiful!!!
I break out the electric toothbrush and for some unbeknownst to me, I obviously am braindead I decided that it would okay to put toothpaste on the toothbrush after I started it..........hmmmm, shall I say that after that wise decision, my bathroom resembled a bunker where a toothpaste bomb exploded!!! Why oh why - now I've gotta do something about my shirt - I don't have another shirt that I want to wear with these pants............I'm having these insane conversations in my head - I have a zillion shirts, short sleeves, long sleeves, sheer, button up, dressy, tshirts - jesus freaking christ Barbie pick out a damn shirt and let's move it - I felt like the mother and the child all at the same time. Ken picks this point to pipe in - why don't you just go to work in a towel............hey, guess what Ken Doll - you are not funny, I am not laughing, Barbie is trying to be Trixie and Trixie isn't playing nice thus turning Barbie into a raging BITCH.......didn't I already tell you to go back to sleep!!! Ken Dolls don't talk buddy.........when you gonna get that through your plastic skull!!
To make a long story short - the end result is Barbie clothes, nothing special today........I needed a Trixie day too but it just wasn't happening for me. Somedays I go to the grocery story (okay everyday I go to the grocery store) but on some of those days I see these girls that look like they just rolled out of bed and yet they are utterly adorable - that ummmm, tousled hair, no makeup, clean look.............if I went to the store like that I would more than likely cause some permanent damage to somebody's eyesight!!! I guess all things considered, at least I'm dressed with makup on............tonight is bingo night with the inlaws but Ken will be with me so I'm hoping that my "bingo boys" tone it down a little!!!!
One last thing - the hubby aka Ken asked if he could read my blog - I told him no..........I felt bad but I don't want to feel like I have to censor my writing because I'm afraid of offending him. I need the forum to be my obsessive compulsive, dieting, rambling, bitching Barbie self and I just feel like I will lose a part of that - what do you guys think???