This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Monday, July 16, 2007

Bad Breath Barbie

Happy Monday all! Things so far have gone well - I made my list this morning and I have checked off almost everything, including water, exercise, important phone calls and next will be blogging - WOOHOO! Funny how some stupid check mark can make you feel like a damn HeMan - why is it that the scale sends me into a total tizzy and a f'ing check mark can make me celebrate like I just hit the Publishers Clearing House???? I'm seriously thinking of therapy - lol!

So after my stripping episode - oh god help us all (I think I traumatized my cats as my sweet baby Kali runs like hell when I approach) I decided that I needed dinner. Now girls, I am a creature of habit - I seriously eat the same thing every day - I know.......sounds wacky and random but no one ever said I was normal. So I get on these weird kicks and all I'll eat for months is egg whites and vegetables or spinach salad and tilapia..........stupid shit like that. Well the mother load of cravings hit me over the weekend and guess what my body has decided it has a taste for now............onions - what the hell is that about??? My mom, (the nurse and also the ultimate alarmist) insists that when I crave something it is because my body is lacking a nutrient........can anyone tell me what nutrient an onion provides??? So when the husband asks what I'm having for dinner (of course he is giving me the wink wink because he thinks he's getting lucky - yeah, right after that damn workout video I'm not even gonna take off my clothes to shower!) and I respond - hmmmmm......I think I'm in the mood for a an onion cooked in the oven with ketchup.......seriously, he looked at me like I had lost my god forsaken mind! It actually was quite comical to see the look on his face and have him ponder how in the hell he is going to live through three months of me eating onions.........I don't know how he is going to do it - not my problem! So I ate my onion and it was sooo incredibly good but then I started feeling bad - really, Matel could not possibly introduce "Onion Breath Barbie" and her trusty sidekick "Altoid Girl" - so does anyone have any ideas on how to squash a craving for onions??? Shit - I guess craving onions is better than craving chocolate??? And how do you counts points for onions???

On to my confession - three words for you all - Gerber Baby Puffs!!!! I am the only human being alive that could possibly consume 300 calories of fucking baby food.........I mean really, when you rip open the top of the 2nd cannister it should be a news flash - "Hey Barbie bitch, you are eating baby food - you are deranged - who in their right mind binges on baby food????" Hmmmm, that would be me my weekend went kind of like this, onions, ketchup, baby food, gum, egg whites and popcorn...................I did throw in some veggies here and there and also some light laughing cow but obviously me menu was not the least bit healthy - when will I learn??

One more thing - NSV for me - 2 guys hit on me Saturday night - don't laugh - they did work at the bingo hall BUT they are young and cute so I'm not complaining!! I also had just thrown down about $50 so maybe they were just trying to make me feel better but damnit I don't mind paying $50 for a night of bingo and a couple of "You look hot tonight?" Hubby tells me all the time that I'm beautiful but I do like to solicit comments from wherever I can get them - well minus the crazy, preaching bunny and the weird female cop that has a thing for hardhats!!


Swizzlepop said...

I just lost my entire effing comment and it was long dammit and full of wonderful philosophy! SO wonderful that it was a 1 time deal and I can't totally remember. Let me try...

WHY did you have Gerber puffs in your house weirdo ;P?
I agree with you mom about cravings. Years agon I bought a book called 'Constant Cravings' and it is all about food cravings and what they mean. Now that I mention it I realize that the book is gond and I need to order a new one. Thanks!
Ever been to a Persian restaurant? They serve raw white onion and pita before your meal like Mexican restaurants serve chips and salsa. So yummy! Although I would not eat it everyday. They are good for you though. Give some to your hubby to so that he also gets bad breath then he won't notice yours. Altoids can only do so much.

Oh, and since I now have written proof that Barbie wants to be me when she/you grows up you must listen to me ;). Mix up the food lady! Same food everyday is possibly why you aren't losing weight. They say your body gets used to the same foods and plateaus after a while so you need to mix it up a little.

Steph said...

I know I have to mix up the food thing but to be honest - I am a little afraid to......hell I don't even out at restaurants cause it takes to much effort......geez I am a weirdo! And the gerber puffs are only 25 calories for a half cup - so what if they are tasteless puffs of air - when Barbie needs to crunch they are perfect......well except when I eat 2 cannisters.....:~(