This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Monday, October 19, 2009

Writers Block

Okay it's probably not a good sign when you have a writer's block for your weight loss blog. Hmmmm what does that say about my progress?? Well I can tell you that I'm down 6 pounds. Not great but it's better than gaining 6 pounds I guess?? I wish that I could tell you that it was attributed to diet and exercise......hell I wish I could tell you it was due to diet pills but I can't. It's definitely not anything I've done......maybe for once the f-ing gods are smiling on me and my flabby butt. I would say that I deserve some good karma after the weekend of "teething hell" that I just went through with Will. OH MY GOD!!! No one told me that it would be like that - if that child could have found a way to crawl back inside of my belly, he would have been there. I didn't put him down for 2 days straight. It was definitely a weekend to remember and to think about next time baby fever strikes!

So what are my big plans for the upcoming week in weight loss land........hmmmmm - all kinds of things run through my head but I won't put them out here for fear of getting banned from the internet. I guess I should say, in my most Barbie voice, "I plan to eat healthy and only eat until satisfied". Or I could say, "I plan to fit in at least 4 30 minute sessions of cardio this week". Shit - yeah right. My only source of cardio right now is chasing a ten month old around a jacuzzi tub during bath the way, has anyone ever tried to bathe a baby in a jacuzzi tub. What the hell - I need a scuba suit to wear while doing that. I get a bath only I'm fully clothed and on the OUTSIDE of the tub. Like I said - I've got writers block. I'm drained - I love every minute of being a mommy - it's wonderful, beautiful and so fulfilling. It's the other day to day shit that gets in my way. You know cooking, cleaning, working........all the mundane crap. If only I could win the lottery!

If anyone has any ideas for juggling it all then I'm all ears! I read other mommy blogs and these women are blogging every day.......I stand in awe. They talk about their eco-friendly cleaning tips and their cloth diapering. Their gourmet granola that is homeade and their sewing projects. Give me a break - am I just that bad at time management or are these women full of crap?? I mean really, after work, dinner, dishes, baths, homework, packing lunches, etc. who in holy hell has time to make "green" cleaning products??? "With just a smidge of dishwashing detergent and some lavender scented oil you can make car wax". "Watch me try it out on my husband's car....yes ladies I buff and wax my hubby's car every weekend". "Oh and I do it in heels and pearls". Seriously - kiss my sweat suit wearing ass!!

Okay - if you got this far I'm sorry........sorry for the rant and for my lack of motivational words. You can't always be Zig Zigler.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just worn out....

Do you ever have days where you are just tired. I absolutely love my life but I'm tired. I'm overworked in almost every facet of my life. I can't say underpaid because nothing is worth more than waking up in the morning and seeing my baby boy's smiling face. I know that i need to find a balance. I would like to think that I had balance before baby but I know that I didn't. Pre-baby it was all about me all the time. I juggled the hubby and the big kid but they could fend for themselves and truth be told, they enjoyed hanging out together. Mom's typically are a drag on farting contests and food fights. SO I spent a lot of time working on me. Now I don't have that time. I can't stop by the gym on the way home or spend 3 hours there on a Saturday morning. Heck most of the time I can't even get a shower in before Noon on the weekends!! I really thought that I would have a baby, bounce right back in to my 5 spin classes a week and never miss a beat. Hell I thought I would be back on a bike 2 weeks after having Will. What a joke - I couldn't even put together full sentences 2 weeks after I had him let alone hoist my sore butt up on a bike seat...........OUCH!!

Right now I'm at a place that I guess I just never imagined. I've been here before but my focus wasn't being healthy or thin so it didn't matter. When life got in the way before the only thing I missed was 1/2 price burger night at Sonic or the latest episode of Friends. Now I'm missing me and who I've been. Being healthy is like a drug.......once your knees have quit aching and you have more energy, it's like you crave it. DUH! Imagine that, my body screaming to take a load off??!

I'm working on food for the next couple of weeks and I'm doing good but I know that at some point I've got to fit in the exercise. Not necessarily to be a size 4 again but to be healthy. To live a long life for my kids and to be a good example for them. There isn't a lot attractive about a mom that can't chase her toddler or play ball with her elementary school child. That's just not the mom that I want to be. As much as I hate it I may really have to get up earlier and exercise.......I really am lazy by nature but it seems that early morning is my only free time. We'll see but for now I'm sticking to the diet and will be weighing in tomorrow. I'll report back as to how it goes.


Friday, September 25, 2009

Adobe Huts

So it's Friday night and I'm knee deep into making a cardboard replica of an adobe hut......why you ask?? Are you interested in the Jumano Indian tribe.....hmmmm, no can't say that I am. Do you enjoy crafting Native American replicas........uh that would be a negative. Well are you in 7th grade and failed to complete a huge project that was due today??? Nope not me but absolutely my kid. Ughhh.....the 12 year old had a huge Tx. History project due today and of course he chose Wednesday to start working on it. I may have to show him how the Indians did it and scalp him!! Geez!

In other news, well I don't really have other news. Things are plugging along as usual. The ususal chaos fills the house - barking dog, teething baby, hormonal teenager, in laws and a cranky hubby. Calgon take me away. In my quest to relax I escaped to the closet because that is where we keep the computer. I log on to Facebook to check on everything because there is way less drama on the internet. :) What do you think I find.......a husband and wife hurling insults at each other via their "walls". OMG - really, seriously - what are we in highschool. Why would you choose to air your dirty laundry on the internet.......especially on FB which, uh, happens to have as many users as the United STates has people. Good grief - get a grip folks! I guess it would be pretty entertaining if I wasn't just so done with drama. Kind of like your own "As The World Turns".

Things are going good on the eating front. I'm not nearly as disciplined as I used to be but that will come. I'm doing my best to steer clear of the carbs because that is my weakness. Hi my name is Stephanie and I'm a carb addict - yep that is me. I love me some bread or cookies or muffins or pretzels or pasta.......oh Lord I have to stop before I go into a carb coma! We'll see how nice the scale decides to be on Tuesday......I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hopefully I can keep my lips closed so I don't shove anything into this over zealous piehole of mine!

Gotta run - the first coat of mud on the hut is dried and it's time to slap on another coat. Yay - good times.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Back on the wagon....AGAIN

When I say back on the wagon I'm talking about diet and blogging. Well I hope I mean blogging. It seems that lately blogging is as distant as my good eating habits. I have been so engulfed in all things baby that I've really forgotten about myself. I'm not upset or bitter about this because actually I rather like be all mommy...all the time. My husband; however, would like to have his wife back on occasion. He has no issue with my weight or eating habits but rather with my lack of "me". I admit that most conversations revolve around baby poop, baby food, baby milestones or some other adorable thing that Will does. My brain has gone to baby and rest of me still looks pregnant. I'm in a bit of a mess but never fear......barbie aka trixie is back. I may be a more toned down trixie but nevertheless I'm BACK! So my plan for now is to start making small changes - there is no possible way that one can revert back to clean eating in one day. So for now I'm cutting out processed carbs - unless you count the half an oatmeal raisin cookie that I just ate. See......this is going to take work but it is really important to me to be a healthy, non-frumpy mom. God I've never worn workout pants and t-shirts so much in my life. BLAH!!

So that's it in nutshell. I'm back......mommy gut and all. Now wish me luck as I start the trek back to barbieville.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A long time coming.....update and pics

Not sure if anyone ever comes over here anymore but I thought it was worth a shot. Lets see - how are things in Barbieville??? Going good for the most part. Will is growing like a week and in just a few days he will be 7 months old. He has said his first word (mama by the way), is drinking out of a sippy cup and is almost mobile (God help me!). I feel like the days are slipping by and no matter how hard I try I can't soak up enough of him and his babyhood. Every moment that he is awake is a new adventure and I spend most of my time trying to enjoy every minute that I have.

As great as things have been there have also been some scares. We lost my husband's sister to cancer on March 19th - her 41st birthday. We spent the week before her death in Boston so that she could meet Will. While we were there Will didn't poop - I attributed that to the traveling but when we got home and he still didn't poop, I got worried. We took him to the pediatrician who sent him to a specialist who then proceeded to do a biopsy of his intestines. Long story short - a lot of money and worry later and our boy is okay - they don't know what is wrong with him but he is okay.........he still doesn't poop regularly but they think it is probably an allergy to something that I'm eating and he should grow out of it or it will get better when I wean him.

At Will's 4 month appointment his pediatrian noticed that his head was flat on the left side. I had mentioned this at his 3 month checkup but she didn't seem concerned. Well by the next month she was worried. She sent us to a cranial orthoist who diagnosed him with plagiocephaly, braciocephaly and torticollis. Their recomended course of treatment was physical therapy for the torticollis (shortened neck muscle) and a helmet for his head. So I spent the next few weeks crying my eyes out at the thought of putting my infant son in a helmet during the hotter than hell Texas summers. After consulting a physical therapist and getting his therapy started we were relieved to see that his head was filling out. My boy still doesn't have a Charlie Brown head but we're getting there.

So where am I in all of this - a little frazzled, a little worried and a lot fat. As much as I have tried to watch what I eat, I have also gotten lazy. I grab pretzels for a snack instead of fruit - I don't work out EVER - I eat a couple pieces of chocolate every day. The problem is that when I don't eat enough, I don't make milk - there is some kind of fine balancing act that no one taught me how to do. For most people, breastfeeding is the ultimate diet tool - I hear women who say "oh I ate whatever I wanted and the weight fell off" or "oh I've never eaten so much in my life" - you know what I say - SCREW YOU! I'm eating decent and can't shed a really drives me crazy but I plan to wean Will in the next month and I'll get back on the horse. Now to find my motivation within the next month.

So that is what is going on in my little corner of the world - things are great and my butt is huge. On a good note - I do have porn star boobs right now! :)

Monday, March 2, 2009

An actual update....

Finally an update. I know, I know – I’ve been gone FOREVER but I had no idea how all consuming motherhood is. WOW – I run from the moment I get up (most mornings at 6:00 a.m.) until I drop into bed at around 10:30 p.m. Since starting back to work I feel like I need to spend every second that I can with my little guy. That means that my usual form of exercise is breastfeeding and running up and down the stairs a zillion times. I occasionally do bundle Will up for a walk but that is few and far between. To tell you the truth, as anxious as I am to fit back into my size 4’s, I’m not willing to sacrifice the time with him. I feel good about being a mommy and I refuse to put off playing Will for a spin class. Not right now. I’m sure I’ll get back into my groove at some point but NOTHING beats watching his face light up when I get home from work. So for right now I’m trying to watch what I eat and just play it by ear. I am still breastfeeding some but I don’t think that is helping my weight. In fact I know it isn’t. It may be because we are having to supplement due to low supply……evidently PCOS is not kind to moms who want to breastfeed. I’ve been taking all kinds of stinky herbs, eating oatmeal and drinking water but it isn’t really helping. I’m not sure what else to do but to give him what I can and supplement where it’s needed.

As for Will, what can I say except that he is the joy of my life. Before he was born I spent so much time worrying that he wouldn’t like me or that I wouldn’t like being a mom. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good at it or that the lifestyle change would short circuit me (I HATE change). The truth is that it has been exactly the opposite. God I can’t even put into words how in love I am with my little love bug. There are days that I am exhausted and there are days that I feel so disconnected from Rich but they are getting further and further apart. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but there are times when I want to curl up with Will and just spend the whole day staring at him. I want to keep him all to myself and not share him. J I used to love being busy but now I feel the need to slow things down and try to enjoy the moment. Things like Will singing with me in the morning, the way he curls up against my chest when I pick him up. Or the sleepy look that he gives when I wake him up in the mornings. He is really such a happy baby and I am constantly amazed at how incredibly blessed I am. He was worth every treatment, every tear, every pound, every sleepless night. There is nothing that compares to holding my son in my arms.

Okay I need to get back to work now but I promise to update again soon.


Friday, February 27, 2009