This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Monday, March 2, 2009

An actual update....

Finally an update. I know, I know – I’ve been gone FOREVER but I had no idea how all consuming motherhood is. WOW – I run from the moment I get up (most mornings at 6:00 a.m.) until I drop into bed at around 10:30 p.m. Since starting back to work I feel like I need to spend every second that I can with my little guy. That means that my usual form of exercise is breastfeeding and running up and down the stairs a zillion times. I occasionally do bundle Will up for a walk but that is few and far between. To tell you the truth, as anxious as I am to fit back into my size 4’s, I’m not willing to sacrifice the time with him. I feel good about being a mommy and I refuse to put off playing Will for a spin class. Not right now. I’m sure I’ll get back into my groove at some point but NOTHING beats watching his face light up when I get home from work. So for right now I’m trying to watch what I eat and just play it by ear. I am still breastfeeding some but I don’t think that is helping my weight. In fact I know it isn’t. It may be because we are having to supplement due to low supply……evidently PCOS is not kind to moms who want to breastfeed. I’ve been taking all kinds of stinky herbs, eating oatmeal and drinking water but it isn’t really helping. I’m not sure what else to do but to give him what I can and supplement where it’s needed.

As for Will, what can I say except that he is the joy of my life. Before he was born I spent so much time worrying that he wouldn’t like me or that I wouldn’t like being a mom. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good at it or that the lifestyle change would short circuit me (I HATE change). The truth is that it has been exactly the opposite. God I can’t even put into words how in love I am with my little love bug. There are days that I am exhausted and there are days that I feel so disconnected from Rich but they are getting further and further apart. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but there are times when I want to curl up with Will and just spend the whole day staring at him. I want to keep him all to myself and not share him. J I used to love being busy but now I feel the need to slow things down and try to enjoy the moment. Things like Will singing with me in the morning, the way he curls up against my chest when I pick him up. Or the sleepy look that he gives when I wake him up in the mornings. He is really such a happy baby and I am constantly amazed at how incredibly blessed I am. He was worth every treatment, every tear, every pound, every sleepless night. There is nothing that compares to holding my son in my arms.

Okay I need to get back to work now but I promise to update again soon.