This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I Want A Baby Barbie!!

Okay so this is a total vent - complete with foul language, screaming, ranting and total bitching!!! My mom just called and my baby cousin - she just freakin got out of high school is pregnant - WTF - help me understand!!!!! I have been trying for 9 months and I can't even get my damn period to show up let alone 2 lines............shit!!! So now, after living most of my life unhealthy, I get that way and I can't reproduce. Help me understand this - this isn't fair - I hate this - I hate the BIG FAT NEGATIVE every f'ing month........every month I go through the "maybe it took" and every damn time it ends up with me trying to keep a stiff upper lip.........well screw being okay with it - I'm not okay with it - I swear to God I'm gonna end up the crazy fucking cat lady.......seriously, I am so deranged with baby fever at this point that I have resorted to dressing my cat in sweaters and calling her a pretty princess. I carry pictures of my cats around in my wallet - something is wrong with that!

I know that I am just being a crybaby and there are so many things that I have to be thankful for but it just is so heartbreaking for me to even walk down the baby aisle anymore.......it makes me so sad. Sad on a level that I didn't know existed - empty sad. I guess it is pretty ironic that I can be a total basket case about the last 5 pounds yet have some kind of incessant need to gain 40 pounds worth of pregnancy........I am totally neurotic I think!!!

So now that I have finished my monthly pity party I guess I should get back to real life.......hmmmmm, I feel a Trixie day coming on tomorrow - that is if the swelling in my jaw stays away......cross your fingers girls!

Okay so I was almost done with my rant but then hubby called to tell me the power is out at home - apparently a fuse is out and half the town is without electricity - just freaking great - it is about 100 degrees outside so things should be peachy by the time I get home............I'm saying screw it - I'm going to the mall and buying a hookerish, Trixie outfit for tomorrow...........something that I won't be able to wear when I'm pregnant or become a respectable mommy.........I gotta nix the heels though - my toes are just getting the feeling back from last streetwalker moment...........geez! All right I'm "Off Like A Prom Dress" - gonna shop till the power comes back on!

7 comments:

Swizzlepop said...

I just emailed you so go check!
You can't let the feeling come back in your toes, that ruins the conditioning! Think foot binding. As long your feet aren't bleeding your fine!;). I carry bandaids in my purse at all times just in case a new pair of "pole dancer" shoes cause some redness on the tootsies. LOL

Can't wait to read Trixie's adventures tomorrow!

PS
I looked up Pannus after the first time you mentioned it which is how I know what it is (I didn't want to ask). It does sound a bit like penis, just hope that it's not a penis with a pannus!

Must step away from keyboard now

Steph said...

ROTFLOL YOU are a hoot. I am new around here but you have me hooked. I love you blogg (the name caught me by the way all our barbies are headless and UGLY!!! we are all better then them come on now!!!

Colette said...

I KNOW what your going through Stephanie because I was in your shoes 13 years ago. I was diagnosed with cervical CA and after treatment me and the hubby tried and tried to get preggers. The doctor finally put me on Clomid...and the 2nd month was the CHARM. ;-)
But the guys at the plant where my husband worked told him that he "finally got it in the right hole"..rotflmao

lol... men are retards!!

Steph said...

Oh my gosh - girls you should see the "hooker it up, no respectable mom would ever wear that outfit" that I bought - the girl at Dillards thought I was insane because I bought the whole shibang sisters - I'm talking panties, bra, shoes, cute cute cute skirt and top AND THEN.....I did it.....I bought it - yes, I'm ashamed to admit that I live vicariously through my sister's kid but I bought my niece a similar matching hooker outfit....okay she is 2 so hell it isn't Trixie material but damn it's cute - the shirt says "Just Call Me The Princess" and the skirt has got the little lacy leggings attached - OMG - I'm thinking that the old lady behind me was convinced that I was pimping out a 2 year old!!! My incredibly, conservative, religious sister should LOVE the outfit that I bought her baby but when my sweet niece is with her auntie she has to look hip and mod~~~

Colette said...

haha Steph!!! I am so jealous. I am definately going to "hooker" it up when I get thin.....watch out baby momma wants a new THONG!! wooohooo

MMalloy said...

Steph, you made my day. Sounds like we are both in the need to vent a little and show off what the good lord gave us!
I think I might go pick up a new outfit before heading home...oh, just found the perfect shirt for my niece it says "If you think I'm cute you should see my Auntie" !!!
I will say the same prayer for you that I said for my sister when she was having problems getting prego...

Candace said...

I was 14 mos trying for #2. It's hard waiting, I know, but so worth it when it all comes together.

Look forward to hearing about Trixie's Friday.