Okay so this is a total vent - complete with foul language, screaming, ranting and total bitching!!! My mom just called and my baby cousin - she just freakin got out of high school is pregnant - WTF - help me understand!!!!! I have been trying for 9 months and I can't even get my damn period to show up let alone 2 lines............shit!!! So now, after living most of my life unhealthy, I get that way and I can't reproduce. Help me understand this - this isn't fair - I hate this - I hate the BIG FAT NEGATIVE every f'ing month........every month I go through the "maybe it took" and every damn time it ends up with me trying to keep a stiff upper lip.........well screw being okay with it - I'm not okay with it - I swear to God I'm gonna end up the crazy fucking cat lady.......seriously, I am so deranged with baby fever at this point that I have resorted to dressing my cat in sweaters and calling her a pretty princess. I carry pictures of my cats around in my wallet - something is wrong with that!
I know that I am just being a crybaby and there are so many things that I have to be thankful for but it just is so heartbreaking for me to even walk down the baby aisle anymore.......it makes me so sad. Sad on a level that I didn't know existed - empty sad. I guess it is pretty ironic that I can be a total basket case about the last 5 pounds yet have some kind of incessant need to gain 40 pounds worth of pregnancy........I am totally neurotic I think!!!
So now that I have finished my monthly pity party I guess I should get back to real life.......hmmmmm, I feel a Trixie day coming on tomorrow - that is if the swelling in my jaw stays away......cross your fingers girls!
Okay so I was almost done with my rant but then hubby called to tell me the power is out at home - apparently a fuse is out and half the town is without electricity - just freaking great - it is about 100 degrees outside so things should be peachy by the time I get home............I'm saying screw it - I'm going to the mall and buying a hookerish, Trixie outfit for tomorrow...........something that I won't be able to wear when I'm pregnant or become a respectable mommy.........I gotta nix the heels though - my toes are just getting the feeling back from last streetwalker moment...........geez! All right I'm "Off Like A Prom Dress" - gonna shop till the power comes back on!