This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Monday, July 23, 2007

Barbie Has BOOBS!!!

Hi all!! Wow I really missed you guys so much! Friday was a day of utter insanity.......picture me in my tricked out Trixie wardrobe only to be deployed to one of our construction sites for the WHOLE DAMN DAY!!! WTF - boys these boots weren't made for mud.......oh my gosh. So that left me pretty much out of the loop - the only good thing that was happening was the new engineer that was sporting the backhoe had a really NICE backhoe - wink, wink!! I think he was mentally "feeling me up" until I tripped and fell in the mud.........yep, classy is what I am! I also was wearing a white shirt.......hmmmmm - it was oh so obvious!

After struggling with that mess all day I was wiped out so I hit the mall. I really needed a "for real Trixie" moment and I knew that it wasn't going to happen in a shirt that had dried mud flaking off of it. I hit Victoria Secret and bought this amazing bra that makes me look like I have boobs - what a concept!! NO girls, I'm talking in my throat boobs..........and it was red too!! Next I hit Old Navy and bought this really cute top and then to American Eagle for some shoes!! Then I made the mad dash for Sears so that I could change clothes in their bathroom - God that was disgusting!! I felt like a hooker or something........like I should be shaving my arm pits in their sink and then air drying under the hand dryer.........ewwwwww!! You should have seen the looks that I got when I emerged from the bathroom aka Barbie's Glamour Shop........I actually was a little proud! I used tissue paper to blot off some of the oil/sweat from my face.........used eyeshadow from the bottom of my purse and freshened up my blush and lipstick with the same tube - it was really quite a sight! Why in the hell I went through all this trouble I have no idea.......but I can tell you that when I walked in that stall I felt like shit and looked like it! But when I emerged I felt like Trixie.

What do you ask, did I do with my super sexy self - hmmmmm, did I dance it up all night? Did I go get a drink and wait for the offers to roll in? Did I go home and have jungle sex???? F*ck NO - I went to bingo with my inlaws............god I am pathetic! I do have to say that the one good thing about bingo is that I am by far the youngest and thinnest woman in there and those poor young guys that work there are typically all over me..............it is kind of flattering - I know I'm awful!! The only problem is that they blatantly flirt in front of the inlaws - makes it a little tense at the table!! Oh yeah - I also won $150.00 - guess I got kudos for hanging with the inlaws!! So with my winnings I went shopping again on Saturday.........more bras and some really cute tops! It was a lot of fun and I realized how much I needed some me time. After my shopping excursion I threw a suprise party for my mother in law and then hubby and I came home and watched Collette's "movie" - sorry you probably didn't want to know that!! I am attributing it to the new bra - something about red!!!

Yesterday I got a nasty stomach bug so I was pretty much down for the count........I think it might have had something to do with shoving my ass into my size 2 jeans.......I was soooooo excited to be able to get back into them but I've got another 5 pounds or so before they feel like they used to. Now don't freak when I say size 2 - first they are American Eagle AND they stretch so probably not a fair 2 but I don't give a shit cause that is what the tag says!!! I told hubby on Saturday morning "my day will determined on if I can get these jeans on" - his reponse was "good luck" to which I said "thanks". He came back with "I was wishing myself luck not you" - poor guy - I wonder some days how he puts up with my obsessive compulsive behavior! So I crammed my ass into the jeans - victorous but looks like I'm gonna have to up my parking garage walking!

I have a ton of catching up to do and I can't wait to read all your posts - hope you had a great weekend!

8 comments:

Colette said...

Hey Girl!! I wondered where you was Friday and the weekend. Figured you didn't have a computer at home and was super busy at work!!
I had to laugh at your JUNGLE SEX comment...hehe. OMG your too funny...BINGO with the "out-laws",...ops ment " in-laws"!! Girl get those compliments and drools where you can even if it young guys at BINGO!!
So you didn't see the ending of the movie either huh?? SWEET!! Yeah red is a super hot color GUYS love!!! Oh and don't believe that shit about 6 AP's if your on top and do all the work!! Cuz, I fricking had a gain of 1 POUND!.....WTF????? hahaha. Glad you had a good shopping weekend but damn you can wear a size 2?
F@!*% I HATE YOU!!! Hahaha...just kidding. Have a great day!!

* mumbles to herself damn Barbie bitch wears a fricking 2? sheeesh!! LMAO

Steph said...

You are hillarious......yeah a stretchy 2 busting at the seams!! And please - I clean the house, do the laundry, cook the meals and rent the F**king movies - the least Ken can do is earn HIS activity points - LMAO

MMalloy said...

I just crossed out my to do-list for the evening and replaced it with one Hot Pink Post-it that reads *VS - red bra * Blockbuster -Ghost Rider!!
I have a pair of 2s from AE, I am afraid to wash them cuz they fit now and I'm not sure they will if I throw them threw the laundry :)
You are awesome, keep it coming.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

You squeezed into a size two??? I can't believe I still LIKE you!!! Yah, well I can wear size 2 jeans too, as long as there's one pair for each thigh!

Amanda said...

Okay, a size 2?!?!? B#tc%!!! I love diet coke's comment--a size 2 for each thigh!!! I would need one just to cover my butt! So make that 3 pairs for me.

Okay, I have to watch that movie. Putting that on the list for the weekend I need DH home to um...you know...get a bun in the oven... :)

You're hilarious!!!! I love it!

Steph said...

Okay girls - here are my tips for MOVIE night......first just skip the movie - save your money and buy a new bra for yourself and secondly, the hubby should be earning the AP - I mean what the hell - we HAVE to do EVERYTHING??? I think NOT - Barbie doesn't play like that - LMAO!!!

Candace said...

Do guys really last long enough for us to earn AP points? Where do you find these men?
I think I gotta try Bingo, too.

Steph said...

OMG Candance - that is hysterical.......my hubby only lasts that long as a matter of principal!!! And girl - Bingo is the ticket.....those cute little bingo boys are better than any pool boy I've seen - ohhhhh and they just hired a new one who is super cute in american preppy way, then there is the grunge guy who tells me I'm hot and of course Brad the Jewish kid looking for a good jewish girl but he tells me that I'll do as a fill in until his girl gets here........go, don't let the geriatric crowd be the only ones to enjoy these guys! The best part is the fact that really - there is NO ONE there under like 75 - you could look like the neighborhood mutt and you're gonna get hit on......and hey we all know that Trixie will take what she can get!!!