This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Frustration with my heartrate!

First let me apologize for being MIA lately. Things just never seem to slow down and when they do it is usually at bedtime and I'm barely coherent enough to think. In any event, all is well in Barbie land......I guess?? Still have a squirrel lose inthe house, still trying to have a baby barbie and still plugging along with my diet/exercise routine. I must admit that I have really been trying to recognize true hunger and only eat when I am in that place - I'm not doing half bad at it and I'm proud of the progress that I've made over the last week.

So on to my heartrate saga - I bought a heartrate monitor which confirmed what the doctor had already told me - I have a low resting heartrate - like 55 BPM - a normal woman of my age should be at about 70 - 75 BPM. Okay, no big deal, doc says that it's a good sign. Well it's only a good sign if you aren't concerned about calories burned during a workout! What I mean is that I can't get my heartrate up past is insane. Last night I puked in the middle of spin class - I'm not kidding when I say that I thought I was going to pass out and how many calories did I burn 475 - now that isn't anything to complain about but when others in the class who are my size and are athletic are burning 750 to 900 - it makes you a little pissy!! Not to mention, I'm afraid to push myself any harder during a workout but I need to get my heartrate into the 160's to be exercising at 80%

Does anyone have any ideas???

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I'm GREAT....

Okay on to good things:

I have a wonderful husband who adores me completely and thinks I am beautiful and sexy just how I am.
I have a great son who makes straight A's and really cares about others.
I have wonderful family support and a mom who is totally my best friend
I have great friends, family, gym buddies
I am strong and I have overcome so much - I am a beautiful person inside AND out!
I am smart, independent, funny and I freakin LOST 245 pounds, something I NEVER thought possible! it's your turn to list the good things.

Old McBarbie Had A Farm.......

Well actually I'm not sure if you could consider "random squirrel sighting" amongst my living room furniture as a farm or not??? All I know is that some squirrel has spread the word that the Barbie Casa is the happening place to be! I'm not lying when I say that I have had 3 - count them 3 - squirrels appear in my living room. How you ask??? Well basically one squirrel fell down in the wall (12 foot drop) and the hubby had to cut a hole at the bottom to free him.....nothing sounds worse than the screams of a dying squirrel! So since Tuesday the squirrels have evidently been parachuting down the wall and escaping through the hole - holy crap! My cats are freaking out and basically my whole house has been in chaos........I'm really hoping that the husband gets out his handy dandy hammer and repairs that hole tonight??!

The only bright spot about having squirrels lose in the house is the comedic relief that present as the husband and son run circles around the living room with blankets in hand, in an effort to catch the things. I think they are both terrified though they would never admit it - at any rate, it's a pretty funny thing......maybe I should record it and put it on U Tube??

So I was reading ANNA's blog and came across her post about the "NO DIET" diet - it hit home with me only because I am the proud owner of a dozen books on intuitive eating so I pretty much know the drill. I also KNOW how to make this work; however, rarely practice these techniques. More often than not I eat way too much and feel like a bloated whale - then of course there is are the few BLT's that I have along the way to my beach where I am harpooned by the evening meal. All of this together equals disaster and I have the extra 10 okay 15 pounds to prove it. I'm not discounting all of my work in the gym but come on - I know that I didn't gain 15 pounds of muscle - if I had my pants wouldn't be this tight! So as of today, right now I am vowing to pull my head out and get it together. I have really been making huge strides in the "control" department and have let go of some of my crazy obsessive tendencies. I am trying so hard to focus on positive things and remembering that there is a perfect time - you know patience. With all of my prioritizing it's time for me to finally be done with this last piece of the puzzle - so rather than focusing how unhappy I am with my weight/appearance I'm going to focus on the good things that I have going for me - not to mention - even 15 pounds ago I wanted to lose weight and I was unhappy with my appearance. Really, are we ever happy or satisfied - isn't there something that we ALWAYS think should be changed?? I'm using my next post to put up my list...stay tuned.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Barbies and Babies....

I wish that I was posting some crazy, miracle of a story telling everyone that I'm preggo but that isn't the case.......I'm okay with that - not because I want to be but because I have to be! I want to thank everyone who left me a comment.......WOW! I can't begin to tell you how much each one meant to me and how it really lifted my spirits! Tuesday and Wednesday of last week were tough days - I was very emotional and the husband had a hard time dealing with my emotions. It was just a rough few days. In the end it all worked out - I found peace, like I knew I would, and the husband and I made up. I finished up the awful progesterone and I really believe that someone was watching over me this go round because the swelling overall horrible feelings weren't as bad as usual.....we are on to bigger and better things and I'm just waiting on God's timing and every day I'm learning to be more patient with this situation. I got to thinking the other day that patience is one thing I should have learned from my weight loss journey - patience and perserverance.....guess I still have a lot to learn!

So on to the birthing baby part - on Friday night, after what I would consider to be one of the roughest weeks in recent memory, my best friend calls hysterical. Her daughter, who is 21, unwed with 1 child (14 months) is pregnant and in labor. The hospital kept sending them home and basically "A" was really hurting. So after an incredibly frustrating and emotional week as it related to lack of babies - I sped off to the hospital to be there for the delivery of a baby! Funny how things work out, huh?? "A" did great and the birth was beautiful. She was blessed with another healthy baby boy but I would be lying if I said there wasn't any small twinge of jealousy. I wish that I could say that all I felt was joy but there were a few bitter tears mixed in with my joyful ones! Overall, I'm so happy for "A" but I know she has a rough road ahead of her........being a single mommy to 2 babies is no easy thing - luckily, she is a wonderful mother and she has tons of support from her family and me (I get to play auntie to the boys!).

On the diet/exercise front I'm hanging in there. Last week was rough with food because the hormones make me crave salt and chocolate but I did okay. I'm still hitting the gym 3 times a week so that is going good too. I did get into a yoga class and I have no decided that yoga is a miracle drug......if you are stressed and have never tried yoga - YOU HAVE TO TRY IT! WOW - people at work that had no clue that I went even commented on how relaxed I looked.......I really did feel great. Now I just have to figure out how to fit it in between spin classes and weights. It is still so strange to hear myself trying to strategize how to get more time at the gym......what happened to Steph the couchpotato???

Okay - gotta run. I owe everyone comments and huge {{{HUGS}}} so I promise to try to start catching up! I have really missed you all so much and from the looks of it I'm getting left behind in the weight loss contest!

Just a couple of BEFORE pics and one AFTER pic.

I got asked a couple of questions about my weight loss and my pictures so I thought I would post a couple more BEFORE pictures. The first 2 pictures were taken about 6 weeks after I started dieting....I had probably lost about 30 pounds in these. The last picture is us from Christmas. I am still amazed at where I started and how far I've come. Of course, I am still a work in progress so more pictures to come!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Real Quick

Hey guys - sorry for my absence. I intended to update everyone on everything today but after getting some bad news from the doc's office I don't really feel up to it. The short version is that I didn't ovulate so I'm not pregnant and we're on to ANOTHER round of medicine that makes me feel like total crapola. There is something masochistic about this whole thing........infertility is humbling and heartbreaking. It leaves me completely confused and for today I'm just sad. I do know that sometimes God delivers us "from" things and sometimes He delivers us "through" them. This trial is here for a reason and I have to trust that He has a plan for my good. Today my faith is tested but tomorrow is a new day and the grief will be less. I will be back to my old self soon!

The house thing may possibly make me crazy but that is something else that I have made peace with. The current "looker" is really being a hard nose and we have reduced our price as much as we are going to. The ball is in his court and if he doesn't buy it then someone else we'll continue to wait.

Gee - I sure wish that I could get some certainies (sp?) for a change. Thanks for checking up on me and I promise to update again soon!