This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Friday, April 25, 2008

A Barbie Baby.........what???!!!

My head is still spinning and my feet haven't touched the ground yet - after my doctor saga and disappearing ovary, I received a call from Dr. K's office with the results of my pregnancy test - I wasn't expecting much and almost didn't answer the phone. I'm glad that I answered the phone - I got the most life changing news of my life - I'm PREGNANT!!! Oh my goodness, after 21 months of tears, heartache, negative results, hormones, swelling and we are finally here! I've been back for a second beta test and my levels are doubling so I'll have one more blood test to check my levels and then a sonogram in a few weeks to see "how many are in there" (that is according to Dr. K). I'm feeling good with the exception of being very very very tired. I'm saying that some of that is from being sick and not sleeping and then I'm sure some of it is pregnancy related. Pregnancy related - wow - I just can't believe it still. I am pregnant - the weight of those words just amazes me - they are miraculous and life changing - in a single breath, with 2 words - my dream came true!

Funny thing is - DH and I didn't do so great at hitting it in March. We just couldn't seem to get a schedule down and I think we were both tired of the whole routine. Then of course I took 2 tests at home before I even went to the doctor - they were both negative??? I guess it just proves that things work out in the perfect time!

BTW - looks like we will be having a Christmas baby according to Dr. K - that is totally confirmed yet but that is his guess. Gotta get back to work........I've been pretty much MIA around here for the last few days!

(((HUGS))) from Barbie and Baby!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Bedrest = No Exercise = Freaking Out

Hello......hope all is well with everyone. I'm sure that from the title of my post you all are assuming that I'm sick - well not quite. I actually had an ovarian cyst that ruptured and has leaked fluid into peritoneum cavity behind my uterus. I also have an ovary that is currently twisting and playing hide and go seek sooooo......after a night of intense pain I went to see the fertility doctor (assuming I was just being a big baby and he would send me home with a "suck it up" talk) - he started the ultrasound and saw the fluid pretty quickly - he began searching for my left ovary and after half an hour of excruciating pain - he gave up finding it - thus leading him to diagnose the "twisting". In a nutshell, I'm not allowed to exercise or do anything streneous and should be in bed (I'm not a lay around kind of person though) for at least a few days. If I'm not better by then, it will be another sonogram and potential surgery to realign my ovary - bleh! I'm okay other than moving slow and feeling a bit sluggish (courtesy of pain meds) - I'm aching and crampy but overall it is getting better. Now my only issue is not being able to exercise.......couple that with incredible swelling due to progesterone and I feel like a beach ball - my pants will barely button and they are the biggest pair I own. I'm craving chocolate like mad and I'm incredibly hormonal. That is something that I have to say for exercise - it really does lift my spirits and elminate some of my stress........right now is when I need that release the most.

I am going to "try" to take it easy but there will be no scales or measuring tapes in my future for the next few days - I gotta get over this hump before I totally warp my brain! Hope everyone else is doing good - I'm going to try to catch up some in the evenings since I can't work out now!

HUGS and say a prayer for me, if you can!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Mr. Scale is showing me some lovin'!!

Just had to report to all my buddies that I am down 7 pounds over the last 2 weeks.....I am soooo excited and feeling like my mojo is back! Maybe mixing up the exercise and actually paying attention to what I'm shoveling in my face is working??? Now only 10 more to go!


Hmmmmm, NO just about sums up my week. NO you're not pregnant, NO you cannot have one spare minute to yourself and NO you cannot pretend that your size 6 pants fit anymore! On a more positive note, even through my insane schedule I have managed to hit the gym - even if it is in small segments - something is better than nothing right?? I have also managed to come to grips with the fact that my weight gain is partly due to my insane ability to shovel food in my piehole! Good heavens - when I finally really started paying attention and being conscious of what I was doing, it was frightening. This is just proof my fellow Barbie's - it is possible to gain weight through bites, licks, tastes and too much "free" food (as in zero point for the weight watchers). I have licked my way to an extra 15 pounds!

On a much more desirable note - I found a new sugar free Jello pudding that is to DIE for!! OH MY GOODNESS - it is "Dark Chocolate" and it is amazing. I put a cup in the freezer for a few hours, took it out and popped it in the microwave for about 20 tasted just like the inside of a truffle!! WOW - you gotta try it, especially if you have major chocolate cravings.

Last theory that I have been able to prove true - if you are hitting a lull in weight loss you may need to switch up your routine. I can't believe what a difference I get on the elliptical machine. I am such a creature of habit so I am really proud of the fact that I am making myself do something a little out of my comfort zone! Yeah me!

Okay gotta get back to work - I also need to catch up with everyone.....sorry for my absence lately - there just never seems to be a dull moment!


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Updates Galore....

Okay not so much but I do have a zillion things that I need to post about.....most of them are about crappy eating habits, the horrors of fertility drugs and my butt whipping in the gym - for now I'll just sum it up by saying - I've slipped into bad eating habits but I'm working hard to change how successful am I, every day is different but for today I'm going to kick butt. On to the wonderful world of infertility........hmmm.....the drugs have caused my ovaries to be enlarged, I've gained 15 to 20 pounds depending on water weight and basically am a hormonal mess but damnit I ovulated last month!!! WOOHOO - I swear you couldn't have offered me a better gift other than maybe a pregnancy!

On to workouts - I have realized that to burn 500 calories in an have to work freaking hard!!! I'm talking sweating, panting and basically disgusting smelling.....I can't believe that it is that hard to get my heartrate up to 80%.......I'm either just a whimp or out of shape??? It was a bit disheartening to realize that maybe, just maybe I didn't want to have to work like that??? I did find a happy medium in the fact that I'm hitting the elliptical machine a few times a week for about half an hour - I can burn about 300 calories on that sucker and I feel good about the work that I'm doing - 30 minutes = 300 calories is worth it for the diet....spin class 2 to 3x a week for 500 calories is worth it for my sanity. This mix also keeps things changed up a bit so I'm hoping that the scale will start to head back down amazes me that I can be busting my lower body in workouts and I'm now developing saddlebags......WTH?? My mom swears that the hormones are causing me to gain "mommy weight" aka hips and butt - I on the other hand just think I'm shaped like an overgrown, inbred pear??!

Sorry for not doing better at commenting and updating. Things have been so crazy for me lately. Work never ends and recently I have been trying to work through some past relationship issues. I had a falling out of sorts with a few close friends, a few years ago. Some of the drama was my fault and some was theirs but in the end I needed to make peace with the situation so after many days of agony and reflection I wrote apology letters. They were very receptive and although we will probably never be friends again, I am relieved to know that they don't hate me now. So that is my story in a nutshell. I'm going to try to catch up with everyone over the next few days so be looking for me!!


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

So How the Heck is Barbie???

Greetings from barbieville! Wish that I had something ultra exciting to post but not really. A NSV - I have mastered the art of getting my heart rate up to 80%.....I would love to say that it is impossible to do but in reality - I just have to suck it up and work harder to get it up to 80%.

Other exciting news.........hmmmm, not much really. Eating has been less than perfect and I'm still struggling with the eating because out of habit or because I should.......2 nights in a row I've eaten dinner when I wasn't really hungry. Why you ask??? Because I worked out and technically I "should" eat after a workout like that.......geez! The sad thing is that I have no excuses - I know better - I know how to play the game but lately I've been trying skate by......this philosophy doesn't work and just leads to more insanity for me. So let me just lay out all my "rational" justifications for overeating and eating when I'm not hungry........maybe I will continue to read these reasons and I'll actually see how absurd they are?? So here goes:

1. I had a really vigorous workout and need to fuel my body
2. I'm frustrated with the fertility gods and all this medicine
3. Speaking of medicine - that is what is causing these extra pounds
4. I can't sleep
5. Gotta eat to prep for pregnancy
6. I'm sad
7. I'm bored

I could go on and on but I'll spare you.....the truth of the matter is that I've fallen into bad habits again. What is a habit my fellow Barbie's??? A habit is a learned behavior SO if I learned this bad behavior then I can learn a good behavior to replace it, right?? RIGHT! Now if I could only find the willpower to actually do it......okay I'm off to search for my motivation!