This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, July 5, 2007

~~Fish Poop and Portion Sizes~~

Okay can someone tell me when in the hell this world became so involved in frivolous crap. Seriously, I just saw through the world's longest meeting about how much shit a school of fish can produce in a pond and how do you prevent that...........uh hello - the fish gotta go somewhere and since they don't freakin have legs I'm betting they are going to crap in the water..........good God people!! 3 hours of my life that I will NEVER get back were wasted on that meeting - wanna know who was so incredibly concerned about this paticular issue............well let me tell you it was someone who will never in her life know what it is to clean out a pond!! As I sat there in that meeting and looked around at the 10 others in the room, I could feel their brains whirring at the same speed mine were - why are we here and what did we do to deserve this???? Funny how someone with a lot of money can call a meeting and monopolize a huge portion of your day on something that has little consequence or relevance to what your actual goal is??? Know what, that sounds like the role that food plays in my life - well a good portion of the time. There are the few occassions when I manage to pull my head out of my ass and realize that cauliflower is not the new crack and can provide me no real physical or emotional satisfaction after a certain point. I mean cauliflower can and will sustain you but when you eat a head of it at a time - really how much enjoyment can you get out of that??? Somethine else that has been weighing on my mind lately - I eat mostly veggies and feel oh so justified when I sit down to gorge myself silly on steamed veggies - I think I am being so good but last night in my intoxicated state I found the courage to read the calorie content on the "good" food (once again - why the hell do we label things as good - like I'm being a good girl cause all I have eaten is 16 pounds of veggies today - seriously) okay back to my story - so I'm fairly intoxicated and why I had the inkling to to read the calorie content on f'ing frozen veggies I will never know but that is where Bacardi O gets you - note to self, becoming an alcoholic will make you so boring that you will read nutrition labels at midnight - so I'm reading and I start adding up in my head the calories that I consume eating just veggies - love me some spinach but jesus - I'd rather be having mac and cheese or pizza - so I keep adding and I reach the conclusion that in what I "spend" in eggwhites and veggies I could potentially eat like a normal person. What may you ask is the reason for my large expenditure on just veggies and eggwhites - well it is simply put - PORTION SIZE. Yep, I like to eat but I rarely get time during the day to do more than survive on breath mints and water so by the time I reach the casa I am STARVED - I'm talking "chew my arm off" hungry. Do I sit down and be a sensible diner - huh - no, Barbie doesn't even have a brain so she can't have any sense about her - so no - I run around, do 10 bazillion other crappy things that I hate but feel have to be done to prove that I am a worthy June Cleaver wanna be - I sweep, feed the animals, feed the family, power wash the driveway (okay - just kidding about that one!) but in essence I finally sit down at 9 or so only to be famished (and one armed at this point) and proceed to eat like I am an Ethiopian child who probably will eat tree bark for the next 2 weeks - god o' mighty - I live in the land of plenty but I stock up every night like a damn camel headed for the desert!! So in short, last night in my drunken state I realized - hello Barbie/Trixie/Steph - I was drunk so I couldn't get the names straight - you could actually eat like a real person rather than Roger Rabbit if you would just mellow out on your portions.......what a since yesterday I did so well in the eating department (mostly due to the drunken state - not that I am suggesting using that as appetite control cause that is a BAD idea!) I have decided that I am going to really focus on portions and be honest with myself..........that is a scary thing for me!! So this is a new.......well semi-new leg on my journey. I have visited this land before - you know the stopping at satisfied - that soft sigh that escapes when you are content but not stuffed.........yeah well I've been there - my soft sigh now is usually squashed down by the groans and belches that follow a meal or should I say THE meal of the day - God I have to make that a priority so - GOAL FOR THE WEEK - eat 3 meals a day - I deserve a lunch break so starting now I am going to make sure that I am not stock piling food in my cheeks but rather enjoying smaller portions and knowing that there IS ANOTHER MEAL COMING!!! God help us all!


Diet Coke and Zingers said...

You're hilarious... The upside of eating your own arm is that you can't technically gain any weight from it, can you?? Maybe try at least bringing a Fiber One bar with you to work... I LOVE these things (they seriously taste like treats)... The peanut butter flavor bars are only 3 points and the Chocolate Oat bars are 2... The best part is, they stick with you for at least a couple of hours.

WeightBGone said...

LMAO You should write a book or be a professional comedian I love your sense of humor and everything you say does make a lot of sense. Good luck on eating 3 meals a day its not always easy to do but I agree it does help to stay on program. Thanks for the laughs!!

Colette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Colette said...

Steph/Trix/Barb...please unleash this sane woman..LOL Girl you are a total riot!! Haha.. I agree with could be a prfessional comedian!!

Also portion distortion is a huge PITFALL!! One which I deal with daily!! Who else do you know has a measuring cup AND spoons in her desk at work? Yep I do...hell I even figured out when I go out to eat chinese that little brightly colored cup they have by the ice cream is great for measuring out 1 cup of something!! poop huh? Sounds like my group of coworkers...hehe Oh well we all have our crosses to bear and ours is dealing with STUPID people!! hahaha