This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Goals for now.....

Lately I have become involved in a plethora of different hobbies and while I love having so many things that interest me, I hate the feeling of never fully commiting to one thing. I am left feeling completely disorganized and anxious about EVERY SINGLE THING I want to accomplish. So I thought it would be productive to write it down least start writing it down. So here goes.

1. Learn to run.......while I may not enjoy running I would at least like to give it a shot. This is somthing I have been putting more and more thought in to. Now I need to quit thinking about it and just do it.

2. Learn to take great pictures and how to edit them.....I LOVE taking pictures of my kids and having a nice camera was always a dream of mine. Well, my dad bought me a dslr for Christmas and while I have played with it, I'm having trouble finding time to really get my hands dirty. I'm also having trouble getting my kids to sit still for more than 10 seconds at a time. I'm not sure how to fix that one??!

3. Learn to applique.....I'm doing well with sewing (for the most party) so I really would like to take on a few applique projects and learn to do that. I'm an Etsy junkie so anything I can create at home is bound to save me some money!

4. Give more.......more money, more time, more of me. And not just to those in need but also to my kids and my family.

5. Cultivate a better relationship with my husband.....we are fine most days but I want more than fine. I'm not expecting unbridled passion every time I see him but after 7 years and 2 toddlers we could definitely use some "us" time. I LOVE being a mom but I think one of the most important things I can give my kids is a good marriage between their mom and dad.

Okay so those are just a few.......I have a million little things like planting flowers, reading more, planning fun outings for the kids but the things above are the things that keep me up at night. So now that I have a list how do I start incorporating these things without making myself nuts??!! Awwww, the million dollar question!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Back to Phase 1

So I get an update every week about how many visits my blog gets. This weekly email motivates me to blog because when I actually see that people visit my little corner of the internet I feel extreme guilt for not giving them something to read. With that being said, I'm sorry for my sloth like blogging this past week. It's been a tough one for a lot of reasons but mostly becuase for about 6 days I just wansn't feeling the love. Not the love for blogging but the love period. I was in a funk and as I told my friend, "I felt like my spirit had been broken". I'm so glad that my blues have passed and I'm able to dust off my dancing shoes.........don't worry, I'm not literally dancing!

I'm back on phase 1 of the 17 Day Diet.......I just don't do well with carbs. I'm really hoping that at some point I can find my moderation button and begin using it but right now, I just can't seem to find a good middle ground. I'm either hard core or I'm so lazy it isn't funny. For now I need to work on begin commited and hard core. But man I miss sugar and chocolate and rice........lucky for me the cravings usually pass after a few days and I get to where I don't even think about that stuff. I'm just ready to be there, like NOW!

I'm anxious for spring so I can start walking with the babies.........I say babies but really they are toddlers who will probably keep me running after them on our walk. I'm envisioning me pulling a wagon with 55 pounds worth of baby in it. I probably should start working out now so I can be prepared for those walks!!

Okay, I'm sorry I'm boring but I'm super busy at work and just can't seem to focus. Have a great day and I plan to be back more often this week.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day from Abby Jewel!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sloppy Steph

Ughhhh, I hate writers block! I would love to put something witty or moving or thought provoking down on this proverbial paper but truth be told, I'm beat. Abby was diagnosed with pneumonia on Sunday so my nights have been filled with a coughing, crying toddler. She is better now but man I hate when my babies get sick. Couple all of that with my sudden urge to become domesticated, ie, sewing and pinterest projects, and you have one very tired momma on your hands.

I'm holding steady on the weight loss.........I need to get my butt in gear. The last two weeks haven't been very productive but of course I haven't been working the plan like I know to. Sure, I'm eating healthy for the most part but it's occassional splurges that kill it for me. Like the trip to have chinese food on I'm not sad about that trip (the food was delicious) but I'm sad about how I couldn't tighten my belt immediately following that dining experience. See I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I'm either hard core or I'm sloppy..........I don't have an in between button which is probably why I battle my weight.

So my eating has been sloppy. Not bad but not good.....a handful of goldfish here, a vanilla wafer there, nothing overly awful but enough to make the scale stagnant. So I'm trying to get my groove back........I really want to lose another 35 pounds before our family reunion in June. That 35 pounds will still leave me with 40 to lose but it will also put me at 75 lost.

This is a lifestyle, this is a lifestyle, this is a lifestyle..........I keep telling myself that in hopes that one day it will sink in!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Beautiful Broken Blessings

This time a couple of years ago I was in the throws of a miscarriage. I was laying in bed trying to entertain a 13 month old toddler and praying to God to save my baby. This time two years ago I had no idea how my innocence would be stripped away. I naively thought that surely God would not thrust me in to the baby loss category after already putting me through the every doctor in America has shoved his hand up there infertility club initiation. Surely, I would not, after laying here for hours pleading with God, still lose this baby. Two years ago I had no idea how strong I could be or how fragile life really was. Two years ago I had no idea how you could feel such deep devastation and complete gratitude at the same time.

On February 9th, two years ago, I realized all those things. Life turned upside down for me that day……..there are few moments that I will ever forget about that afternoon just because they have been burned in to my heart. I’m not angry and never really have been. I don’t understand but I’m also not angry. I have always maintained the position that “how could I possibly be angry at a God who gave me William”.

I will admit that there are days that I cry…….more because I don’t understand. Usually the tears come at the end of an already emotionally charged day and truth be told, I let them fall. I let myself feel that hurt, that tiny sense of betrayal. I let the questions flow and wonder how things would have been different.

Different………hmmmmm??? Two years ago I never imagined that I would wake up to this beautiful ray of sunshine who looks like her grandmother and makes her momma’s heart smile.

This beautiful red headed girl with beautiful, red headed curls whose name means “Father’s Joy” and who lives up to that name every single day. This bouncing, bubbly, baby girl who has brought much peace into my battered heart. Who has fulfilled my dreams of painting toe nails and playing baby dolls. Her presence does not make me miss my 2nd child any less………..and yes, I say 2nd child because after seeing your baby’s beating heart 5 times via ultrasound, you kind of feel like that is your child………..but it sure does remind me of the goodness of God. It reminds me that He has great plans for us and they are plans for hope and a future. Those are the things I try to remember as I journey down this path………this week brings back bitter memories but also brings forth new hope. I’m trying to rest in the hope part.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Spaghetti Dinner

Just some pics of the family and their complete, over the moon excitement for spaghetti. My gosh you would think I don't ever feed them!! My husband literally skipped around the kitchen when I told him that he could have pasta.......yes, he is a carbaholic for sure!!

You may be wondering where Will was during all of the carb festivities.....he was busy riding his tricycle through the kitchen at an alarming speed! At least he had on clothes this time!!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Diet

Got on the scale this morning and thanks to a nasty cold/flu bug and lots of dieting, I'm down 40 pounds since September 1st. I wish I could say that I was done but I'm nowhere near done. What I am is healthier, 2 sizes smaller and a lot more confident.

In case you are wondering what I'm doing on the diet front, we (the adults in my home) are doing the 17 Day Diet. While I haven't seen the amazing results that a lot of people boast about I have seen steady weight loss and overall better eating. The better eating and healthy part was what I was really after so I feel like this diet is a win for us. We are eating a lot less processed food and a lot less red meat. I was never a huge meat eater anyway but my husband and father in law were. They also had a sick love affair with Hamburger Helper and mac & cheese. This diet has given us a clean slate and really I'm not hearing many complaints out of those two.

The next step is integrating some exercise in to our lives which may prove to be a difficult task. I don't usually get home until almost 7:00 p.m. and my kids are normally in bed by 8:00 p.m. I'm sorry but I refuse to waste that precious time with them..........that means I'm going to have to find another way to get some activity in. I've thought about dvd's, treadmills, late night visits to the gym and honestly, none of it sounds very appealing right now. I'm just not super motivated to get it done. So maybe my next step should be finding my motivation??!!

Anyway, I'm proud of myself and the guys in my life. We are all working hard to make sure that we are around for a long time. I've done this before and I can do it again.........I have extra incentive now though because I want to make sure that I'm there for my grandkids!