This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Finally, it's over!

Whoa I'm glad that the holidays are leaving......I love my family and friends, I love the lights, the music, the fun, the festivities but most of all I LOVE the food! I didn't do horrible and I'm really proud that I managed to hold it together during all the various get togethers but the baked goods at home have got to go. I did wise up and decide to make some WW friendly haystacks but still a nibble here an there is slowly killing me. The worst part is realizing that you had ironclad will power at the party and didn't eat the piece of apple cake that you wanted only to come home and scarf down a cookie or two and realize that you could have those anytime you wanted!! I mean, really WTH is up with that. I can make cookies in my sleep but my grandma only makes apple cake at Christmas - stupid stupid stupid Barbie! At least I didn't eat the cake AND cookies!

Like I said that holidays are fun but I am really needing some routine and order back in my life. Somehow baking, shopping and wrapping doesn't constitute a visit with GYM. Not that I had time for GYM - really it was midnight before I sat down most days but my lack of exercise is just a reminder of how good I feel when I do hit it hard! It's nice to relax and not track every bite but it's equally as nice to get back to reality and back on track! So today I'll be visiting the weights and then tomorrow I'll be back at my spin class.

On the Santa front - he was really good to us this year. I got a digital camera, clothes, a digital frame and a ton of other stuff. We got the kiddo the game RockBand which has a guitar, drum set and microphone - GOD help me, watching - watching my middle aged, balding Ken doll husband, dance around our living room, headbanging - had to be the funniest thing I've seen in a while. He was more excited than our 11 year old. His excitement, I must admit, was adorable! Watching him sitting in the living room floor, in his pj's, playing with his new "toys" was hillarious......yeah, I'm talking about the hubby here! Overall it was busy, hectic, fun and whole lot of work but well worth it. I have now officially retired my baking pans and candy making utensils for another I'm off to scope out some healthy recipes for the upcoming week as my rocking it out hubby has overindulged a bit too!

HUGS to you all & I hope you all had a great Christmas!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Bake Fest, Billy Blanks and the Bitching Neighbor!

I know, I know - Barbie has totally been AWOL lately but please know that I have been with you all in spirit! Things have been totally insane between work and home so "me" time has been limited! On to my starts with last weekend being a total bake fest in my house. I absolutely love to bake and make candy so I tend to go a bit overboard in that department. Just picture Barbie on Saturday morning foregoing her normal workout for a trip to the grocery store to purchase baking supplies. Yep, here I am in workout clothes, tennis shoes, no makeup and hair under a hat all to grocery shop at the local poe dunk grocery store. I loaded up my basket with every non-healthy item I could find and secretly relished in the bliss that comes from baking total crap and knowing that I'm going to give most of it away. Not to mention, if i do say so myself, my baked goods/candy always gets rave reviews - this is another reason that I weighed nearly 400 pounds - a lifetime of taste testing will do it to ya every time!

So I loaded up my cart, paid for my pletherage of crapola and headed to the sanctity of my kitchen. I baked and baked and baked......hubby ate and ate and ate!! He loves my baking skills too. So I made cookies, brownies, sausage balls, fudge, peanut butter balls, cheesecake and 2 kinds of dip. It was a really busy weekend that ended with me collapsing on Sunday night in a heap of powdered sugar and shortening! Baking Barbie was almost dead but it was a contented kind of there such a thing?? Okay so in the middle of bakefest 08 - I started feeling guilt for my lack of gym time over the week. I felt like a total slacker so I decided to bust out the Billy Blanks DVD that I bought at Thanksgiving.

Let me begin by saying that my boy Billy has no room to ever make fun of Richard Simmons because his attire in this video almost made me pee my pants.........can you say tie dye shirt and shorts??!! Oh but wait, the shorts appeared to have been cut with pinking know the scissors that your grandmother used to make quilt patches.....they make the zigzag pattern in the material when you cut it.......what the hell Billy, how am I supposed to concentrate on the insanely intense and intricate moves that you are doing (not teaching) when your who who is about to fall out of your crazy, too big, tie dyed, quilter shorts..........WHOA! It was not a pretty sight! Then of course there is crazy, cardio kickboxing, marine barbie in the background who is screaming and hollering and acting like this shit is the best thing since sliced bread. Meanwhile this Barbie is in the middle of her living room about to karate chop the damn christmas tree while my cats are staring at me in horror. First they are utterly confused as to why I am covered in melted chocolate and flour - I am assuming my appearance coupled with the heavy breathing and gasps escaping my lips probably resembled some kind of sick Paula Deen/Emeril porno. It just wasn't good - after a half hour I turned it off and spent the next 10 minutes alternating jumping jacks and pushups. As scary as it is to hear my pannus flapping - seeing it jiggle while covered in flour is way worse!

My last comment about the bitching neighbor was added as i typed the above. Yeah, I'm the girl who makes goodies for the neighbor and tries to wave and smile. So I'm sitting here typing away at almost 10:00 p.m. and I hear a knock at the door. Now my faithful hubby is out playing poker so it's just me and the kiddo home alone. I lurk towards the door since nobody ever comes to my house. Ask who it is and am greeted by me neighbors voice.....I'm thinking, hell it's late to be bringing over a card or gift.........WTF?? So I pull open the door and am hit with an assault about my barking dog. I smile politely and apologize profusely because truth be told the damn dog is making me crazy. He barks, he jumps the fence, he digs holes, tears stuff up.........seriously this dog has a death wish or something. So I tell said neighbor that the "man" is out but I promise we will take care of it in the morning. He just continues to bitch and complain like I'm going to mysteriously have another option to offer. I'm not bringing the damn dog in the house and I'm not a dog whisperer so my chances of coaxing him to shut the hell up are slim to none. Really, what does this guy want me to do........I know it is a pain in the butt but so are this guys kids that scream to the top of their lungs at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Oh and him mowing his lawn at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday morning - well when he mowes it at all! So I just stood there and played dumb......I don't know, batted my eyelashes, twirled my hair and smacked my gum. Guess he took the hint because he finally left my porch - he may have snuck off to shoot the dog because I don't hear him barking anymore???

I really really really hope to be able to get back around before Christmas but if not Merry Christmas to all of you. Be safe, have fun, hug your family and enjoy the food BUT be prepared to bust ass when it's over.......we all know the drill enjoy it now but be ready to pay for it on the 26th!

HUGS to you all!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Exercise Advice??

So things are NOT going as I would hope during this holiday season - I'm way too busy at work, not enough time with GYM and just total exhaustion. From lurking and reading, looks like we are all fighting the same type of challenges. Not enough time, too much to do and let's not even talk about the additional "Christmas" stuff that I need to get done. I have baking, buying and decorating to get done before our first official family event on Sunday.......somehow I'm sure I'll get it all done but I'm going to have to cut some things out of my schedule to make time for Christmas.....the one thing I have determined is that I'm NOT standing up GYM anymore this week - everyone else is going to have to take a number behind my BFF because I'm not me without GYM.

Eating has been mediocre.....not terrible but not great. Of course there are so many reasons that it hasn't been great, such as, my total lack of planning small meals, too much snacking (you know 5 goldfish crackers, 5 times a day adds up to 75 calories - WOW) and no exercise. Not to mention yesterday I was a total beast and basically just shut down........I was completely beat up with work and horrible weather. I've noticed that when my attitude is poor, everything is off. The problem is when I get in those funks I really struggle to shake it....well, I don't shake it actually. I just cry, bitch and basically scare the crap out of everyone for a whole day. Today I am determined to have a better attitude, get to the gym and make a plan to get all my holiday stuff completed - I'm convinced that by the end of today, I'll feel much more like myself!

Here is my problem - I need some quick workouts - what works for you all??? I need low impact type stuff that is fast and fat blasting. I get so bored on the usual machines - does anyone have a versatile routine or DVD they like??? I would love your input!


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Life, Love & the Pursuit of SLEEP!

Ughhhh - not sure where to start except to say please forgive me for being MIA lately. I have been crazy busy with work, training meetings and family/work Christmas functions. Can you say overload?? On a good note, my eating is okay and my clothes are fitting better - on a bad note, the scale is jacking with me. I weighed today at the doctors office and it looks like I'm not really losing??? I know the last couple of weeks I've been sick and slacking more than I like at the gym but my calories have been fairly in check - I guess maybe I'm burning muscle with my weight training??? Although, I feel that sometimes I'm not doing things right or enough of them.........guess the inches prove otherwise? One thing that I do know is that I feel better and I really don't have a lot of time to waste freaking about it!

Thank you all for your sweet comments on our pictures. I got so many "your beautiful" comments that I almost believed it - haha! Why is it that we see ourselves so differently than others see us?? I look at those pictures and a whole host of yucky thoughts run through my head..........I hate that! The one thing I am sure of is that I look MUCH better now than I did a few years ago!

Last thing before I collapse into bed - visited the Fertility Doc today. Not much to report other than we are now moving on to using Clomid and of course there will be the usual invasive tests AGAIN! I keep wondering why I have to have the uterus from hell??? It's been giving me grief my whole life and all I ask is that it work right 1 freakin time.........not so much though! If the Clomid doesn't work this month then we will go to injectable drugs.......can you say EXPENSIVE! That could drain our savings in a heartbeat. This whole process has become frustrating to the point of tears. In fact, I was in my car on the way to the Fertility God's office....I was crying out of frustration and longing........I do that sometimes so it isn't like a huge thing for me. I was basically having a mini pity party and I suddenly passed by a church with a sign that read "Don't be afraid, you are right were God wants you to be". So that's what I'm going to do - I'm going to hang in there and remember that above all things I'm blessed. Even when I'm frustrated and angry.......I'm still blessed. I have a great family and support network - baby barbie will be along soon!

HUGS to you all!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Christmas Pictures!

The whole gang!

This is my dad and I - suprise Christmas gift for my grandparents! I love my daddy so much.......I can't help it, he will always have my heart!

Of course what Christmas is complete, without my boys dressed in their Stars gear!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Even a Broken Clock is Right TWICE a Day!

That is the sign that I saw today - it provoked some brain waves on my normally auto-pilot drive to the office. I thought about how many days my "clock" feels broken - hmmm, maybe I should say weeks my "clock" feels broken! I have to say the last few days I've felt a bit broken. This isn't necessarily my fault because I wound up with a stomach flu on Friday night and spent the weekend in bed. The week then started with a bang and way TOO much work to do. Now on top of the craziness, my hubby has caught my again - no gym tonight. I kind of felt obligated to come home and make sure he was alive as opposed to going to spin class ~ LOL. So in the last 5 days I have made it to meet up with my man "GYM" once........ughhh - I have no idea how I managed to survive before without GYM but I can say that we now have an addiction for each other.

So even with my exercise clock broken, my diet clock has been really good. Not only have my food choices been good but I have felt good mentally. These moments of being in tune really keep my psyche in check and help remind me that I can STOP eating when I'm done and not run the risk of imploding from not cleaning my plate. I know that sounds ridiculous to some but even after 5 years of this stuff, I still struggle with that at every meal. I may never fully recover from that mentality but I can take it meal by meal and overcome those urges on a case by case basis.

Okay one more thing. Driving home tonight I was listening to talk radio and I heard a voice come over the airwaves that brought, okay no laughing - this is for real, the smell of a bacon cheeseburger and chicken nuggets into my car!!! It was a radio show host that I used to listen to all the time on the way home from work and I always stopped and picked up my 1st dinner while listening to him....I'm not kidding you when I say I was salivating at the sound of his voice.......I think I was too shocked at my emotional and physical response to really consider fulfilling my desire. I mean, my husband's voice doesn't even produce that kind of reaction from me.....well guess that is a good thing. Nothing real sexy about your wife downing a bacon cheeseburger when you're trying to sweet talk her!

So sorry for my lack of posts/comments......I promise that I'm lurking and reading but I have literally had NO time to even breathe!

HUGS to you all ~ By the way, Swizzlepop has started an exercise challenge and it looks like it is going to be a should check it out on her blog and consider signing up. I can tell you that last night it was my motivation to hit GYM!