This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, August 30, 2007

My aerobic instructor made me put my feet in the stirrups!!!

Am I going crazy or does it seem that the days are getting shorter……….good gosh where does the time go?? Last night it was after 10:00 p.m. before I even got to sit down. I did hit my step w/weights class so that put me home a little late…….I love that class normally but last night I wasn’t feeling it…… legs felt like lead, I couldn’t hit the beat and the instructor brought out the dreaded “gliders” – more on those in a sec!

On the food front – I have been doing pretty well thanks to the blood sugar medicine. For the first time in a long time I am not dying for sweets and carbs. I also have a lot more energy so FINALLY I feel like I am a normal person – now don’t get me wrong – I still have some major food issues but I feel more capable of handling them now – who knew that this was how my body was supposed to work??? I’m doing good with points and have adopted the method of “linking” foods together when I eat – this is apparently the best way for an Insulin Resistant person to eat – of course everyone says “do this, do that” but I can’t give up my points system completely – it took me through 250 pounds so I know it works!

Okay so on to the explanation of the damn gliders. Whoever invented those things was masochist. Has anyone seen these babies – well they appear to be harmless enough – small purple discs that glide across the floor or send you gliding across the floor, which is what happened in my case. Here we are a room full of grown women, sweating and stinky – so close to the end of the workout that we can feel it. Our muscles are sore, are legs are exhausted from doing 150 fucking lunges and if I hear “alternate knee lifts” one more time, I’m gonna cut my wrist! So we are down to the last 10 minutes and this is the part that I love……….I love anticipating the end of class and stretching out. Unfortunately my idea of how the last 10 minutes should go was not what our instructor had in mind.

She begins with the gliders. Like I said they appear harmless but it doesn’t take long to realize that God did not intend for me to glide. I am not graceful, I have no rhythm nor coordination. Step class in itself is a struggle for me – now throw in an act of gliding and it’s a damn near impossibility. But hey, I’m a good sport so I place my feet on the damn discs and start trying to mimic the teacher’s movements…….WTF is that about……bend one leg (don’t forget my foot is on a “glider”) and take the other leg out to the side and then pull it back in…….now that doesn’t sound too difficult but do it a few thousand times and suddenly I feel my already jiggly leg getting shaky. I’m trying to hang on but I can’t – in my effort to push my leg out slowly, I lose the ability to stop pushing it – literally my foot kept sliding against my will… running in socks on a hardwood floor. The girl next to me – which by the way goes to the gym everyday and looks fab – realizes who I am from Spin Class and starts inching the opposite direction – she knew what was coming – BARBIE. Before I knew it I was in a semi-split position and down on one knee – about that time I lost all control and just fell over…… most cases people would be horrified if that happened to them but I laughed – I have no shame anymore. I finally maneuvered around until I got my feet off the “discs” and onto the floor, by that time they were done with the exercise – THANK GOD! So you would think that the fun would end there….I mean I’m looking at the clock thinking how much more torture can she inflict on us in the last 5 minutes??? PLENTY! Next came inner-thigh work with resistance bands – okay, I’m game until she starts telling us to put the band under the step, lay on our backs and hook our feet into the band as if they were a set of stirrups…….huh?? Really I don’t think that stirrups and step class should be in the same room – tell me there is something that I’m missing here??? NO – not so much – down we all go – feet in the stirrups, legs in the air – I have never felt more vulnerable…….well that is until she stretches us out – using the “bug” position……seriously girls – my ass has never been exposed at quite that angle and there were positions going on this room that I’m sure our husbands would have loved to have known about! Picture a room full of women with their legs almost wrapped around their head……it was not a pretty sight – in fact it was almost scary. I really didn’t need to know my bod bud like that………I told the instructor that she could have at least bought us dinner before making us expose ourselves like that!! Being the Barbie that I am – I went home and showed the hubby what I had learned in class – he now loves the fact that I go to that class ;-}!!

Spin class is tonight so wish me luck………it is a real work out but well worth it!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Everything I Know I Learned from a Mexican Casserole!

Hello everyone! First thank you all soooooo much for your comments, advice, worry and support – I am amazed everyday by the group of amazing Barbie’s that I have befriended! So on to my reasons for being MIA – actually it started out as multiple doctor visits and testing, then moved on to house repairs from hell and finally just pure craziness at work to make up for the 2 days I was out last week. Before I get into my most recent story I have to say that during this break I have had time to reflect on some issues that go on in my head – now I wish that I could say this was the end all, be all of my weighty issues (pun intended!) but in a couple of months I will be fighting to regain my hold on the insanity. But for right now I am trying to focus on being healthy and not so much on a number that is spit out of a damn metal box. I mean, really there has to be more to life than 3 digits. Right now I am trying to be proud of myself for exercising, for being positive, for focusing my efforts on long term health rather than a number or clothing size………now I am NOT jumping off the bandwagon but rather trying to get back to being more of a Barbie – damnit I deserve that – we ALL deserve that. We deserve the ability to look in the mirror and not feel repulsed, to realize our potential, to love ourselves and to appreciate what our bodies do for us.

Okay enough of my Barbie rant – my plan for this week is to hit the gym at least 4X and to try to eat smaller, more frequent meals – yesterday I did 10 miles on the bike at the gym AND I got in lunch and dinner – GO ME!

The Doc has finally diagnosed me with PCOS and put me on Metformin……let me just tell you that this drug has been wonderful for me……for the first time in forever I am not going carb crazy – literally girls, I ate raw oatmeal last week cause I was dying for carbs. It is also helping keep my appetite in check which allows me to feel more in control when I eat – I think my renewed sense of self worth comes from this…….how sad is it that our weight, appetites, dieting techniques and all the other garbage in our handy dandy bag of dieting tricks can influence so much. So for right now I am refusing to become entranced by the glitz and glam of being a certain weight, size, style or anything other than my usual Barbie self. Now comes the task of pulling back the layers and returning to who I was – that could get messy!

Now is confession time……..I didn’t do bad points wise because it was my high day but somehow my fingers slithered around through sour cream, cheese, tomatoes and other assorted goodies and managed to make it to the bottom of the Mexican casserole……what do you ask lies at the bottom of a Mexican casserole – gold, silver, diamonds, something worth having to smell blackbeans underneath your fingernails for 2 days??? Well, not so much, none of the above – can you say tortilla chips – crunchy, crushed tortilla chip crust! More about that later though – it was quite the occasion and made me realize just how far I had sank into my deep abyss of food porn…….really, I was pitiful and I knew it but I didn’t care – for a few moment of pure bliss, I forgot about the world and was focused on……….fucking tortilla chips!!! Come on Barbie, snap out of it…….my world can be great and I can relax without routing around a Mexican casserole like an underfed farm animal…….this my friends was my wake up call – so I sat with sour cream on my face, tidbits of tomatoes on my shirt, cheese stringing from my lips and the incredible feeling of overwhelming sadness that I had somehow reached this place – I wasn’t going to stick my head in the oven or anything but how did I manage to end up hiding in the shadows of my garage, eating a cold casserole with my fingers – looking over my shoulder so as not be discovered – I felt like a crack addict or something……I knew that at that point I had really lost my focus so now I am on the road home AGAIN……you would think that at some point I would just figure this shit out……..250 pounds lost and I’m still battling the same demons – my only consolation is that I KNOW WHO WINS!!

Friday, August 24, 2007

My food log from yesterday - whatcha think??

After much advice I have decided to put down my food for yesterday and continue to post my menus - I'm hoping I can get some feedback on what you all think so here goes:

coffee - 1
power bar - 2

handful of popcorn @ movies - 1

Egg/Cheese on Toast - 3
(1 slice double fiber bread, 3 egg whites, 1 laughing cow wedge)
Carrot Sticks

BLT's - 1

Spaghetti Casserole - 6
(made with turkey pepperoni, shirataki noodles, tomato sauce, veggies & ff cheese)
Green Beans & Brusell Sprouts - 1

apple with cottage cheese & flax seed - 4
pudding cup - 1
milk - 2
sugar free candy - 1

25 total - no workout

Oh also trying to adhere to the Wendie plan and yesterday was my points + 3 day so I should have hit 26 by all what do you guys think???

Today has been pretty crappy as far as eating goes because I had to take a 2 hour blood glucose test and that drink made me sick......I'll check in with everyone later - for now I'm going to try to rest through the pounding that is going on up on the roof!

Thanks for everyone's support and advice - god what would I do without you girls???

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Advice Needed??

I'm stumped and frustrated and just down right pissed off! I have been busting my ass for 2 weeks at the gym and still NO loss - nothing, nadda, zilch, zero........I've been limiting my carbs per the docs instructions and up'ing the protein - drinking water like a fish and just down right humping it.....I worked out 4 days last week (serious workouts in spite of the injuries) and already been to the gym 3 times this what gives??? Barbie feels like a bloated, beached whale today and I don't understand it. How is it possible to lose weight without structured exercise but now I can't even shed an ounce??

Tonight is Y-Flex class - this class starts with pushups so I may be fashionably late again?? On the food front I really have been working hard to be good. Really limiting processed foods and eating more protein. I'm really focusing on sugar and carbs.......diabetes and heart disease are so common in my family and with PCOS my chances are only increased so I want to be proactive!

It is so good to be back in the swing of things. Back to my old job, back to my routine, back to my friends aka Barbies! I still have soooo much to do because I'm going to be out of the office tomorrow and Friday so gotta get my Barbie butt moving! Hugs to you all and any advice you have on the weightloss issue would be great!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Bicycling Bitch in a BANDANA!

Okay girls - just got home from spin class and I'm whipped but I had to get this down on paper!

Picture this (xylophone music is playing in the background) - Barbie pulls up in her "NOT A VETTE" car - she looks at the YMCA sign and smiles......she isn't perky but she's content that she is finding her niche in the world of exercise. She is dressed in black yoga pants, t-shirt, head band (sorry for the 80's look but I sweat like a pig in this class) and sneakers. She isn't trying to be popular or win friends......just trying to get a good workout and relieve some stress. She jogs up to the front door (because she is fashionably late as usual - thanks to a pit stop which can be attributed to too much damn water!) and she passes by the window which allows a lovely view of the spin class that she is about to walk into. Class is already underway and Barbie looks at her lone bike and thinks "I gotta get my ass in there", the bike on the other hand screams in horror "NO - not that crazy bitch again!!". Barbie looks to the left and spies the new instructor for the all goes downhill from here girls - what do I see you ask??? A really hot male insturctor, NO - hmmmm........a slightly frumpy instructor, NO.......hell a parapalegic, WRONG again..........what I see is a 60 year old, asian woman, built like brick shit house complete with tatoos, too much fake tan and a bandana on.........this bitch is built like Rambo and I can already tell that she is screaming at the top of her lungs - swear to God I almost ran!!!

I sucked it up and headed in - I'm thinking we're still in the warmup, right? Shit I'm only like 4 minutes late.......oh hell no - this crazy chick is sweating like a madman and I was right, she is screaming like a damn maniac! Faster, faster, faster - keep up - up, up, up, sit for 3 seconds, sprint for 15 seconds, up, up, up - okay WTF - this is the damn Y lady........this is where moderately overweight of out of shape people hang out. This isn't Gold's Gym - have you looked around the fucking room. The other 60 year old woman in the room (who appears to be in great shape) is holding on for dear life.......convinced that she should have finished her will before leaving good old hubby at home. The middle-aged, slender, professional guy is about to fall out and my buddy looks at me and smiles............SHIT - this is gonna be torture!!! Fast forward by about 15 minutes - this woman is still screaming, making hand motions and telling us to turn it up to 80 RPM' these damn bikes don't have a speedodmeter but I could be fucking toting ET in mine cause I'm pedalling so fast and hard...........Jesus! About this time I'm thinking, I'm not gonna make way, gonna pass out, all the while I'm hearing her yell, push, pull, push, pull............christ you would have thought we were building a damn pyramid in the Egyptian days! I finally look up and she has hopped off her bike is dancing around like freaking leprechaun........I guess she thought we needed some kind of distraction - it worked for the middle aged guy, he dropped his damn water bottle! Really, this woman is twirling her self around like she's wearing tassels under her workout shirt!! The bitch can cycle with the best of them but she has got no rythym!!

I did make it through to the end and let me tell you - she worked our asses off until the bitter end!! Rather than stretching out she had us doing some kind of crazy ass yoga poses.......look Barbie isn't bendable like that - hell Barbie can barely feel her lower extremities and you want her to put her what where??? Yeah good luck with that lady - seriously, this woman didn't even give us her name..........she was like a workout demon, dressed in black!! She packed a mean punch though!!

Trixie on the Treadmill!

First let me say that I have missed you guys sooooo much!! I feel completely out of the loop and lost when I'm not hanging with my Barbie's. So much has happened, including gym visits, doctor visits, test results, fights with Ken, the job change and an unsightly affair with some sugar free maple syrup......did anyone know that syrup on an ice cream cone tastes like a waffle - well unfortunately I found out the hard way and managed to eat a whole box of cones and a bottle of syrup in a week.........not that bad calorie wise but way too hard on the intestines......can you say bathroom Barbie!! Not a pretty sight!

On to the exercise front - rode 10 miles on the bike on Saturday and decided since there was no class last night that I would just hit the treadmill - so imagine Trixie, yeah I was feeling sassy yesterday - in pink workout pants and a t-shirt and her purple and silver Nike's - I had my little pink backpack and I felt like Gym Barbie - then the freaking treadmill attacked me! Well actually it lured me in with it's gentle motion and soft purr........oh sweet treadmill! I love you - you are relaxing and a great stress reliever - where have you been all my life! Walk, walk, walk - I start to feel a trickle of sweat.....oh yeah, Barbie has her groove on!! Then I decided to up the pace and start the little jogging motion.......that is when the damn thing freaked out! Suddenly I was being hurled backwards at a rapid pace - holy crap......what the hell is happening to me!! I should have known that trying to be cute and jog do not mix for Barbie - hell, trying to walk in a straight line is a challenge so why in the world would I think that I would have the ability to run on a treadmill......all I can think of is the guy that is really cute and really running, on the treadmill right beside he is blonde and sweaty staring in horror at a crazy bitch next to him that is grasping for the handrails to stop the madness! It was humiliating.......every time I would speed up to catch the rails, my damn foot would hit the side of the treadmill and down I would go........seriously, girls I thought about just riding all the way back to the floor but that doesn't really work either! FINALLY, I was able to get both my feet to a nonmoving portion of this insane machine and turn down the pace!! I'm a little concerned with my lack of coordination........I being serious here - I have none and now my bod bud K wants to hook up on some dance fusion class........yeah that's what I need to be doing......dancing around like a retard in front of a room full of people! I'd feel like a damn Teletubby on crack or something.......I'm thinking it isn't for me! Other than that I am totally digging the gym BUT now Ken is freaking out now.......says he feels like I'm never home and I have to admit that hitting the gym after work does put me at home around 8 every night but damnit I am really getting into this and I feel so empowered! He is the typical guy who does not want any part of the gym so I'm feeling torn - I'm hoping that maybe I can do something to boost his ego and then he will cut me a break......we'll see but I'm not giving it up - even if I have to sneak away to go!!

On to test results, according to the Doc I'm insulin resistant - soooooooo I have to start taking Glucophage (meds for diabetics) to help regulate that.......good news is that I finally have some kind of concrete diagnosis for not being able to get off this last 10 pounds. He says thte infertility is due to this as well and ultimately diagnosed me with PCOS. He was amazed at my weight loss as women with PCOS typically have a hard shedding the pounds. He did tell me that I have to up my protein so I now using some protein powder before and after my workouts......we'll see how it goes. He says the Glucophage won't cause me to lose weight but it will even the playing field so that I will be able to lose weight at a more normal rate........really I just get so frustrated at the fact that eating any carbs puts the weight on me........bread, potatoes, pasta, rice - all the good stuff - makes me blow up like a buffalo. He also says that could be what causes me to retain so much fluid??? I don't know really but for right now I'm gonna run with it and see what happens!

Tonight is Spin Class with the cycling Nazi - can't wait to pump up the jam to more Michael Jackson........God help me - maybe I should wear one glove to class tonight! I told my buddy K that I was going to get a t-shirt printed that says "I used to weigh 400 pounds" - maybe then that crazy bitch would cut me some slack!

One last thing - Pink Hope Barbie inspired me so much with her 60 mile walk that I have started a team for the 5K race in Dallas - the walk/run is October 20th and I am sooooo excited.....we've got about 8 people already so I hope that it is a success! Thanks so much Matty for inspiring me!!

I HEART you all!!

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Skin Graft

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So, the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty.

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Friday, August 17, 2007

I AM Alive - just pitiful!

Hi all! I am sorry that I've been MIA but with the job switch things have been a little nutty. Also my maniac dog decided to chew through the phone line at home so I am internetless at the casa! All went well at night 3 of the was step aerobics with weights, basically like the class from Saturday but on steroids......jesus! I was whipped and I almost succeeded in making it the whole hour without injury but in the last ten minutes, my arms managed to give out and I clocked myself in the forehead with an 8 pound weight! The fourth night at the gym (last night) was spin class but with a different instructor and let me tell you she ROCKED us.........she was great and I LOVED her teaching style - not to mention I totally feel the effects of the workout - can you say SORE. Gonna take a break tonight but will probably hit the gym on Saturday even though my bod bud is out of commission due to a garage sale!

Now on to why I'm melancholy and pitiful..........hmmmm, went to the fertility doc today and let's just say the baby gods aren't smiling on me. I actually am feeling better than I did initially but that is only after a Barbie fit......complete with crying and ranting about why can't anything be easy for me!! I mean really, I got stuck with a crazy childhood, fat genes, sever self esteem issues and NOW baby issues........just once it would be nice if something was semi-easy!! On top of that, I had to wait 2 hours to see a doc that I've been trying to get in to see for 4 months.......then I got the wonderful internal ultrasound (humiliation with a wand) and then I got the speech about gland a nutshell this guy thinks my insulin levels are too high (PCOS) and something is up with another gland that helps promote ovulation........nothing is for sure until Monday but at that point we will know what Baby Barbie is going to cost me.......injectable hormones (which is what he is thinking I will need) are about 2500 bucks a pop.......nice - so at that price it shouldn't take too terribly long to run through our savings and land us in debt land!

Sorry for the pity party, I'm just bummed. I also got to step on the fucking scale and that was not a pleasant experience! I just freaked out.......I know that some of it is water retention because of all mornings to wake up with swollen hands - I got this morning. Not to mention my jeans, shoes, blah, blah, blah..........I know the numbers are only a game but it sucks all the same. Oh yeah, the doc was nice enough to inform me that one of the side effects of the hormones was weight gain..........shit thanks, just what I wanted to do - pay 3 grand for 30 pounds.......does it ever end!!

In reality I shouldn't complain. There are soooo many people that struggle with things much more signifigant than 10 pounds or infertility. I am healthy, my husband loves me and I have wonderful friends - I am blessed in spite of it all but for right now I just felt like being a crybaby. I'm gonna suck it up now and put on my big girl panties - too much to do this weekend to get bogged down in a pity party. I am going to try to catch up with everyone but it may be next week........I have a ton of work to catch up on since I was out almost all day today!

You guys are the best and I miss you all tons!!! Barbie (((HUGS)))

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Beat Up Bicycling Barbie

First of all - do they make cute bicycle helmets cause I may need one!! Someone please tell me that I am not the only person who has managed to fall off of a freaking stationary bike!! So this is how it all unfolded - I show up to the Y and K is pulling in with me. We get out and I reveal to her that I am having some "issues" - yep, the laxative that was supposed to be gentle relief has kicked in and and decided to turn my intestines inside couple that with a the prospect of sitting on a bicycle seat aka enema for an hour and you know that Barbie was not a happy girl! All I could about was pooping my pants in the middle of class! We get in the room and it is almost full, we take a couple of bikes that are in the corner with me right beside the window........yeah, nothing draws in customers like a flapping, crapping Barbie on bike!!! Seriously class was due to start at 6:15 and here it was 6:00 and everyone is warming up......that is when I started to get nervous! After a few failed attempts at getting on this damn bike, I got the hang of it and perched about 5% of my ass on the seat - geez, you the hell thought it was acceptable to install a seat for toddlers on an adult bike??? As if the shock of the seat and stomach discomfort weren't enough, I am clueless as to how to adjust this contraption......the damn handlebars are in Alaska - the seat is set for a 7 foot tall cavewoman and the resistance is so high that I almost broke my ankle trying to push down the damn pedal.......holy shit this is gonna be a long class! Finally the instructor who is a f"ing maniac comes in the room and starts up the while Michael Jackson's Thriller is blaring on the radio I am attempting pedal this monstor bike.......after a few minutes Sharon comes over and helps get me situated - I have yet to determine if it took me that long to show signs of torture or if she was just enjoying the show?? At this point, I am sweating and this chick is calling this portion the warmup........WTF!! Suddenly she jumps and starts pedaling while standing up - position 2 as it is called.......I have never felt my legs go numb while standing but in this instance I felt that sensation and the fun doesn't end there girls, NO - next comes position 3 which is basically hovering over the handle bars with your ass in the air.......the only good thing about this position is at least I had something to lean on.......of course now i have huge brusises on my forearms from holding on for dear life! I made it through a couple more Michael Jackson songs........god help me! She commands us back to position my attempt to pull my body back upright my foot slips out of the holster! So picture Barbie foot slipping, body slinging towards the window and hitting it with a loud thud........I scared the shit out of the people! Truth be told - I was hoping to fall through it so I could get out of this damn class!
Finally she allowed us to sit back down and at that point - the fucking seat was like a Lazy Boy.......holy god, I was drenched and I knew that to try to get back to position 2 was a futile attempt.......I continued to pedal and amp up my resistance but I kept my ass on the as if this all isn't enough of an embarrasement - my stomach hits - yeah.......imagine trying to hold "it" in while sitting on a bicycle seat - I am doing my rendetion of the pee pee/poo poo dance all the while trying to pedal........finally I gave up - when ya gotta go, ya gotta go! I looked at K and told her I'd be back but of course in my attempt to leave the room discreetly I get my shoe hung up in one of the many levers on this machine of death and basically fall off onto the this point I don't give a shit cause I've gotta sh** - well you know. Get to the bathroom and when all is said and done I realize that my legs are not going to allow me to raise up off of the toilet ---------could this get any worse! So now here is Barbie who is bruised, has been impaled by a bicycle seat and is now glued to a toilet seat........class won't be over 20 minutes and I'm not sitting here for that long!! Finally after MUCH effort I haul my ass up but literally it took every ounce of strength in me to just get one leg in front of the other! I managed to make it back to my "horse" much to the disappointment of my fellow classmates who I'm sure were hoping the bumbling bafoon on the bicycle had finally given up!
I hop back with renewed hope......okay got my groove on......I'm pumping hard and fast......sweating and focusing. I'm feeling pretty good about myself until the instructor decides to do "THE HOVER" let me just say that this paticular move makes it appear as though you are riding a unicycle but really your butt isn't sitting on anything.......lets just say that Barbie thinks that bitch is nuts......I didn't sign up for the circus! Really this chick should have been a fucking American Gladiator or something!!
The more that I cycled the more I realized that this was some kind of punishment sent from the gods for eating too many Big Macs! We got done with that class and I felt like I had been run over by a train! I could hardly walk and wasn't sure if I could drive............the feeling was intense but not euphoric - more like I need to throw up now! I stunk, I ached, I was lightheaded and I was tired but damnit I finished!! I am really proud of myself for sticking with it AND we will be doing it all over again on Thursday! Really I'm not too sore today other than my ass and my who who.........YOUCH! Tonight is YFLEX which is like my step w/weights class on steroids.......I'm not sure how I'll do but maybe I won't trip over the step this time??
One last thing and then I will shut up - I have now begun the downward spiral into calculating everything into workout like last night I really wanted to eat junk and I knew that I needed food - the thought of needing protein and nourishing my body didn't deter me from consuming 17 packages of PB M&M's.........wanna know what did??? The thought that the workout that I had just partaken in was worth about 550 if I decided to eat the King Size bag of candy - I would have to do it again........oh the HORROR!! I can say that I will have to up my food when I workout at such high levels.......gotta get a plan together for that.
QUESTION for the gymrats out there - do you find yourself really hungry after a workout?? God I am starving......crazy hungry after I cooldown - what is your experience?

Gotta get my work finished for the day but will try to get back in later! (((HUGS)))

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I Fixed It!

Okay - so here goes - lets try this one more time:

Barbie Brigade Blog

Thanks to all who helped - especially Swizzle - you ROCK!!!!

Here is the site:

C25K & Counselling!

So I did the first day of went pretty well although it is kind of hard to keep up with the 60 second/90 second thing.......I felt like I spent a lot of time watching the clock and adjusting the damn treadmill! Tonight is spin class.........I'm worried but at least there won't be any chance of me tripping - maybe falling off that tiny bicycle seat......I mean seriously who the hell can fit there ass comfortably on that damn butt is so wide and floppy that if I'm not careful it could possibly encompass the whole damn thing and I may end up with a seat wedged up my ass! My friend K has never been to a class either so we'll see - if we don't like the spin class we may check out water aerobics...........I'm not sure about this one either. Although the girls do float nicely - Amanda, you weren't kidding!! My idea of fun is not suiting up in a bathing suit in public........the girls float but so does the pannus and water wings...........I enjoyed my boobies being in the right spot for once but the rest of my body looked like I it had been the victim of a house fire........can you say traumatizing! Not to mention we have one bathroom in our house and of course - I'm in the tub trying to relax and Ken has to pee.......god bless every time I try to get some peace and quiet I am interrupted........I guess I could have pulled the curtain to but I didn't want there to be any chance of Ken's retinas being scarred because of my appearance and lack of clothing!! Trust me it wasn't pretty!

I did fairly well on the eating front yesterday.......half an oatmeal cookie but no picking which for me is a great thing!!! I was really hungry all day though and I hate know that empty place in your belly that just won't shut the hell up! I am really starting to get frustrated with myself for not being able to vary my menu.......I know, I know - just do it but it is easier said than done for me. Really I eat the same thing every day and I know that it can't be good for is making me nutty! I cook different things for the hubby and kiddo but for me I just prefer my egg whites and veggies - last night I did throw in a piece of toast but that is about as adventureous as I get! Now with the exercise thing I really know that I need to up my calories........but this is again easier said than done........damn my obsessive compulsive personality!!

On a more serious note, not that that wasn't serious, I am really thinking of checking into some counselling..........I can walk around all day pretending to be Trixie/Barbie and acting like all is well in my world but the truth is there are still some issues that I need to work through. I can't wait to have a baby and have plastic surgery but before I do that I want to really work on my emotional self. In all reality, I have a very distorted view of food - not like you didn't all know that! I went from living with my grandparents where food was endless and I got what I wanted to having a stepmother that restricted everything - literally she would let the last piece of lunchmeat rot in the fridge before letting us have it........she too had been a victim of not having enough food when she was a kid so she imposed all these crazy rules and limits on us - she hid food, wouldn't share food, blah blah blah........this really messed with my head and now it is a constant struggle to not feel like we don't have enough. Really I have 24 individual cups of peanut butter in my pantry.........who the fuck has that many cups of pb - I won't eat it and I buy it in the little cups so I don't have an open jar but that shit has been there for months.......same goes for stupid stuff like rice, beans - you know staple stuff........I am overrun by cans of food, bags, boxes - most of which we don't eat.........I don't stockpile the veggies and meat cause I like that fresh and really we typically only eat veggies and meat so why in the HELL do I feel the need to have 27 boxes of rice???? So that is my rant - I want to pass on good eating habits to my kids, I want to not feel like I don't have enough - at some point I need to learn to be content and feel "safe" around food. The one thing that I do believe very strongly in is to introduce your kids to veggies, fruits, good food and allowing them to help make healthy choices. We also do not ever tell our son that he can't have something - now don't overrun me with emails - I'm not talking about candy for breakfast (although there have been a couple of special occasions where I let him have gellato for breakfast - he thought I was the coolest mom ever!) but if there is something in the house that I bought for me and he wants it.......then he can have it......the not sharing your food thing was one of my stepmoms main devices and that was just so bad for me. Luckily we only have 1 kid to contend with so there is always plenty and I realize with more kids that "diet" food gets expensive and so sometimes you have to set it apart. Also we don't subscribe to the clean your plate club - another downfall that I have.........I so don't want my son to go through what I have been through - I don't want him to start out going past his comfort level because that only escalates!

All right girls - I'm off to a meeting but will be back later to catch everyone up! Next post will have the Barbie Brigade Blog site on it!


Monday, August 13, 2007

My personality type??

You Are An ENFP
The InspirerYou love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understandingWhen other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

I DID IT - Trixie Style!!!

Hi all! So I have been MIA this weekend - we only have dial-up available at home so I rarely get on the net. So what did I do??? Well - I hauled my rusty ass to the Y and did the Cardio Plus class...........all I can say is HOLY SHIT!!! That instructor chick was a slavedriver, insane, mercenary, crazy AND she was like 65..........I couldn't keep up with her and I'm 28!! She was doing crap that olympic gymnasts don't do.......okay well maybe not quite that bad but all that step shit is rough. Then there was the "grab your weights girls"..............WHAT - weights.......hang on a sec here, Barbie didn't sign up for weights!! So let me start at the beginning.

I got up at 7:30 Saturday morning so that I could make sure I was on time to class........showered, dressed, kissed Ken goodbye and told him it may be the last time he ever saw me alive! Hopped in the car and tried to get pumped up.......really I was trying not to hyperventilate......I was so nervous - you would have thought that I was going on a blind date or something! So I get to the Y and my bod bud is pulling out of the parking lot..........I picked up my cell phone and told her that she was BUSTED - Get your ass back here!! We lurk into the Y - mind you, I have NO idea what I'm getting in to. I grab a towel and follow K off to the torture chamber aka workout room. K who is a pro at this stuff tells me to grab a step.......steph, huh, what??? She points to the corner and I realize that I must assemble my step. The step is assembled and I am ready, got my water, my towel, my weights and I'm feeling pretty good about this whole thing......there are just a few people in there and none of them look particularly menacing so I'm ready to roll. Then the music starts.......we start with basic steps - up and down, up and down - then suddenly it all takes a turn for the worse........Sharon aka Exercise Nazi, turns up the music and begins making us really move..........what the hell is a B step - I haven't even learned the A step yet. In my head, Trixie is screaming, stop the ride, let me off but there is no turning back - not in front of a room full of I sweat and I step and then it happens.....drum roll usual Trixie fashion - I fucking trip over my not a graceful slip but a full fledged, fall over the step and in the process almost take out 2 other people - now if I had to fall and take out someone, I would hope that it would be my friend cause at least we could laugh together but no - not no but hell no - I almost take out a senior aged woman and the very petite lady beside her........they were shocked and horrified.........I of course just laid there rather enjoying the cool of the floor!! Then the weights start........I'm not kidding was 20 minutes into it and I tell K - gee, I'm glad this class is only a half hour........she started giggling like some sick and twisted psycho clown.........she says with glee "no, it's an hour"........WTF!!! I am convinced that I will have to have mouth to mouth when this sweatfest is over! Finally after 45 minutes the Exercise Nazi turns to us and says, "now for the cooldown"............thank you god......hallelujah........suddenly I feel like redemption has come............Sharon tells us to grab a mat and she puts on some soft legs feel like jello but the thought of laying down makes me push on........I get on mat and lay there enjoying the feeling of doing NOTHING. Obviously the gods were not smiling on me as suddenly Sharon begins telling us it was time to start Ab tell me how in the hell is that a cooldown???? So for the next 10 minutes this crazy bitch has us crunching and huffing and twisting and rolling. Not only did I look like I was having a seizure but I also had to perform half of these contortionist manuevers with K staring at my ass!! By the time that class was over I wasn't sure if I was alive or dead but damnit this Barbie is going back for more............the rush afterwards was fab and K was so pumped - the torture was momentary but just the time to work on me was rewarding!

Today is the start of c25k and I'm going to have to hit the gym to get that done since it is 104 today! Jo - hope you are ready to go girl.......I hope my legs will hold me up - they're still sore!!

So all of that brings me to yesterday - I did great all day with my food UNTIL - yes, until - I made oatmeal raisin cookies.........picture Trixie/Barbie basically covered in flour and working furiously on a labor of love for her Ken...........Oatmeal raisin cookies - they are Ken's favorite and I wanted to suprise him with something special. I did really well while mixing the dough - not even a nibble but then I had to smell them was ON!! Somehow I managed to escape only eating one whole cookie but the crispy edges that I peeled off several others probably amounted to another couple. Ken probably thinks that I am the crappiest cookie baker in the world - I love the crisp edges so all of his cookies look like they have been peeled or something!

I need to catch up with everyone and check out the Barbie blog - Swizzle you did awesome on it!! I still have a few more names to add too but I'm a tech retard so I'll have to leave that to all of you experts out there! Gonna catch up on everyone's weekend - TTYL!!

Friday, August 10, 2007

My Menu = 123 POINTS ~ WTF!!!!

So ever wondered how in the hell I got to be 400 lbs...........yeah, me too! So I decided to do a calorie/point count for my usual day of food - WOWSER - I'm lucky I didn't 4000 lbs.......I can't believe that I ate with such abandon........I never thought about it and that is so unlike my anal, OCD, wacked out Barbie self now! So here is the shakedown:

Breakfast = 1 sausage egg/cheese biscuit, 1 egg mcmuffin, 2 hashbrowns = 1130 calories/60 grams fat/8 grams fiber = 23 points

Lunch = Double Quarter Pounder w/cheese, Large Fry, Large Milk Shake = 2080 calories/90 grams fat/11 grams fiber = 42 points

Dinner: Mexican Fast Food w/Chips, cheese sauce, beans, sour cream, muchaco, bean buritto, diet coke = approx. 1719 calories/105 grams fat/20 grams fiber = 35 points

Snacks: 2 Mountain Dews, Peanut M&M = 1,115 calories/40 grams fat/3 grams fiber = 23 points

So for the day I would consume - are you ready for this - really I can't believe that I'm alive to tell about it - God this is embarassing - okay here goes: 6044 calories/295 grams fat/42 grams fiber = 123 Points

SHIT - in a day.......that is what I eat in almost a week - hmmmm, and I wonder why I had a weight problem........all I can say is that doing that exercise makes me really proud of the lifestyle changes I have made!!! Go ME - suddenly I don't hate my pannus so much, especially now that I realize how much fat that sucker carried body isn't my enemy - it actually was doing me a huge favor for a hell of a long time!

Barbie is in a pickle and needs your help!!

Okay so here is dillema........The Barbie Brigade is really near and dear to my heart.......honestly, it is something that I never thought anyone would grab a hold of and I am so glad that I found a group of women that realized the value of loving themselves and then we came up with the coolest idea of naming everyone..........that was sooooo fun - here is my problem though - I want to start a list of everyone's blogs and their Barbie names - I think we all need to know who everyone is and keep up with each other........maybe this is a really dumb idea but I would like to at least keep up with who and where everyone is. So please, please please send me your Barbie name and Blog so I can put together a members list, so to speak AND if you aren't a member and don't have a name then what are ya waiting for - hop on the pink, panel wagon known as the Barbie Mobile and get ready for a fantastic ride, we'll even name out for Vampira Barbie though - her spikey heels can be rough also Techie Barbie has to sit close to the window so she can get wireless internet!!

Thanks so much and when I get the list done I will publish it for all!!

Barbie (((HUGS)))

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!

Hello FRIDAY - wow what a week........I think the better term would be WOW what a life! Things are as crazy as ever but I am repeating the mantra that all is isn't working - now matter how much I say it I know it's bullshit but makes me feel a little more normal!! LOL ~ so tomorrow is the BIG DAY.......what do you ask does tomorrow hold - what monumental occassion on the agenda??? Cardio Plus class at the gym.........I'm already stressing about it......what do I wear, should I wrap my extra skin in saran wrap so I don't knock out the person beside me by moving to quickly........will people stare or laugh or point??? I know what you are all thinking, get a grip Barbie, but the sad thing is that for all my Trixieness I still see the fat kid in the mirror. I really thought that at some point my mental image would catch up with the physical one but it ain't happening. I seriously have thought about counseling just because I really bordered on an eating disorder for a while........I was obsessed with losing and everything about food sent me spiraling out of control.........thank goodness I was able to semi-work through that and now the only scars left from that battle are my zany obsessive compulsive moments.

Speaking of that - I went to get a sugar free snowcone last night - oh my gosh - they make a sugar free frappucino that is to die I start being my freak out Barbie self and am asking all kinds of wacked out nutritional questions - I know the girl in the snowcone shack was thinking "bitch, calm down!" but I couldn't believe that something soooo good was sugar free - well guess what - I found out that while it was sugar free it was made with half and not necessarily calorie free! Anyway the chick looks at me in disgust and says "geez, did you used to be on some kind strict, wacky diet or something" - shit, pardon me I had no idea that being educated about what you were shoveling in your face was a crime - no I didn't say that - just thought it! Instead I replied as sweetly as possible "actually I was on a diet because I used to weigh 400 pounds!" Her face turned bright red and I thought she was going to fall over.......made me feel pretty damn good!

Back to the class - I'm going with a friend so I can't chicken out - she is all pumped up about it so I have to at least pretend to be super excited........wish me luck! Last but not least - thanks to everyone who has kept up with me - this last week has been a tough one.......I need sleep and hubby needs well - he needs a lot of things but lets say sleep isn't on his list.......think I'm gonna wear that turtle hard hat and see if I can get him to leave me alone - I'm awful - poor guy!! I gotta do one more post cause I need help so when you get done reading this one just suck it up and humor me by reading the next one.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Trixie is a failure!

Ohhhhh how I miss you all! The days seem to get shorter when you are busy and yesterday proved to be no exception - meetings until 5:30 and then catchup at the office until 8:00. Finally home around 9:00 only to hit the Advil bottle, eat and sleep.......I was beat! Yesterday did not end up too bad on the eating front and I did actually get in a snack at the office before getting home.......that helped me to not devour everything in sight by 9:00!!

I miss blogging and being in the loop but today is proving to be the same as yesterday! I can say that I am prepared today with an apple, yogurt, protein bar (not crazy about spending calories on bars but hey - I gotta do something!) and WATER - I got in all my water yesterday but I have found that guzzling it super fast really doesn't sustain me as well as sipping throughout the day. Needless to say I woke up this morning and spent quite a bit of momentum trying to squeeze my puffy feet into my super cute Barbie shoes!

Yep, today I decided to be Barbie ala Trixie........I was so excited to slip into my size cute capris and red VS bra - does wonders for the boobies! So all I wanted was one day that I could spend strutting my stuff - I'm telling you Trixie was on the verge of killing Barbie if she didn't get out soon..........I slide into the car feeling cute and sassy - until to get a call that says WE NEED YOU AT THE ZOO - WTF - these people can't do anything on their own!! So I will be heading off to the Zoo to review a tree survey - I don't mind but this is really boring stuff and it is going to be a 100 degrees today. Not to mention all the contractors that are working on this project are old and kind of gross.........Trixie is NOT soliciting whistles from them - LMAO!

Really I feel pretty good about the food thing yesterday - partly because I was so busy that it didn't matter how I felt about anything! My only downfall were the peanut butter M&M's that hubby brought home from work - damn him - he knows the rules - NO open candy in the house........especially not peanut butter and chocolate!! So I ate a red, yellow and green one......I know Barbie is a bit obsessed with stuff like that but one thing that I have learned in my trek through weight loss land is that if I take the time to pick out my favorite colors then I eat fewer and have the ability to stop.........bizarre and a bit OCD but we all know that I have a love affair with food. The only thing that I could of while eating those damn M&M's was the fact that I would have to walk the length of a football field to burn EACH ONE off......I read that on someone's blog not that long ago.........dear God - it didn't take me long to put on the breaks so I'm counting that as a victory!!

Once again, I'm apologizing for my absence but I must take my Trixie ass to the Zoo and survey trees - man this job site is right by the elephant exhibit - can you say humid and smelly......couple that with a fucking turtle hard hat and Trixie loses her appeal very quickly!! I heart you all - have a great day and be a Barbie!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I'm dying!!!

Okay guys this is short and sweet - I am swamped at work - no swamped isn't even the word! 12 hour days aren't even putting a dent in my stack of stuff to do......I feel so out of sorts, so far behind and very much in withdrawls from my Barbie Buddies!!! Shit I need a break or a 2 on Wendie wasn't bad - day 3 is proving to be a challenge as the only thing I have touched today is 2 breath mints and a couple sticks of gum........I did manage to guzzle all of my water in a span of 30 minutes - thought I was going to drown!

So don't forget me - this is me being needy, clingy, Barbie - I am not lost forever - at some point I will emerge from my coccoon of crap to do and emerge a, I would like to say a butterfly but I will probably look more like a moth at that point!! Colette - I heart you 2!!! Vampira - I gotta catch up with you!! Smoking Single Barbie - glad that you love your name and have you KICKED Ken to the curb yet??? Get busy girl! Jo - we are still on for the 13th - busy or not I'm gonna run!!!! Diet Coke & Zingers - Soooooo glad that you're home and Mal - your cabin looks fab!!! Okay gotta run to another meeting - talk to you all soon and I HEART you all!!!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Where the Hell is Wendie - Day 1

Okay on to bigger and better things - started the Wendie plan yesterday, thanks to Chris who gave me the 411 on it! Was suppossed to have 20 points and ended up with 22 but I did get some exercise in yesterday so I'm not beating myself up to bad - today is a 25 point day. Something that I didn't like about logging my food is the fact that I suddenly was eating more points than I thought - what - no way - you mean I haven't been surviving on 18 points all this time..........shit Barbie - get a grip - no wonder I wasn't losing like I wanted to..........I have been underestimating my points by a long shot!! So word to the wise - brocolli, eggwhites and spinach do add up!! Especially when you couple that with peaches from a pie, chocolate pudding and strawberries........yes I am the holier than thou - I eat good food so I should lose weight Barbie. I have come to realize that while I may not die from a heart attack because of my good food choices, I can still put on a few pounds and struggle with getting them off!

I can chalk this whole thing up to portion control.........I just have none and now I have convinced myself that because I eat so little during the day that dinner is a free for all, brocolli buffet! This, my barbie friends, is why I thought Wendie would work for on to day 2 - gonna have a good day!! My goal for today is to get in some exercise AND to eat at least 2 meals.......this is a rough one but I have to start making the changes........eeek - I HATE change!!!

My Everchanging Pannus!

So maybe this post is only for Vampira Barbie but I just had to document was a bit comical! You know everyone asks what about extra skin when I lose weight......I asked that question too! I read countless articles, how to's, what to do's, drink water, exercise, blah blah - it didn't matter - there is some excess skin "hanging" around.........I can find very few places on my body that do not look a bit like deflated calves, face and lower arms look rather good as do my feet (do feet really count though?) I can wear necklaces, anklets, smaller shoes - the whole thing but the problem lies within the rest of my thighs have a sort of saggy, rippled effect - like a tidal wave gone bad. My upper arms resemble bat wings and given the opportunity I could probably double as a parasail for a small child. My back is layered ridges - I like to think that maybe my ribs just stick out farther than most...........I have the lovely layer of jowels right under my dried prune boobies and then of course there is the pannus........yep - my crown jewel of all saggy skin!!! Am I complaining, not today necessarily - today I am okay with it and I realize that it is a part of life........what am I gonna do short of hatcheting it off!

For those of you who read my usual posts you understand that my acceptance of this "friend" is a bit bizarre - yeah well, as with anything, there are good days and bad days. Yesterday was a moment to be remembered so I'm documenting it here for all of you fine ladies to read - I know how thrilled you all must be!

Last night after cooking dinner for the boys and cleaning the kitchen - I sat down in my bedroom and was feeling an inclination towards being Zen Barbie.........hmmmmmmm - maybe yoga would be back, knees and hips were feeling a bit creaky (something else that I had no idea I would feel AFTER I lost weight) so I assumed that yoga was the ticket. Now keep in mind that in my house anything that requires concentration or quiet is going to have to be conducted in the bathroom safely behind a locked door - I didn't think yoga on a stained concrete floor was the ticket so I braved it in my I'm on all 4's I look up and see my cat staring at me - I swear she looked horrified - of course then the kid comes in - "what are you doing", "yoga", "yogurt?", "no, yoga" - geez people - 5 minutes of was apparent that Zen Barbie was going to have to become Bitchy Barbie and slam the damn door - luckily for the boy he got the hint and scuttled off to construct something out of legos!

So I'm on all 4's and my shirt drapes you really must get a good visual of this to totally I am, in my pj's with no bra on.........this basically puts me looking like a 10 year old boy when I am standing upright!!! The girls kind of lay down somewhere under my armpits and they don't emerge until morning when I pull their tired asses out of bed and hoist them up with duct tape and super glue! So I'm on hands and knees in a cow pose.......who the hell thinks of these names.......what is so graceful and/or serene about being a cow!!! Anyway, I'm in the cow pose - shirt is gaping a bit in the front and I peek in - okay that was a mistake..........suddenly my serene calm and deep breathing are traded in for hysteria and heavy panting - I am beginning to sound like a cow giving birth..........I'm staring in total horror - that CAT is staring in total horror and then Ken, hearing my moans, walks in and asks what in the hell I am doing - DAMNIT Ken - can't i get a moment of peace to deal with my UDDERS!!! Yep girls - I looked down into my shirt and saw what appeared to be udders..........ummmm - what the hell is that and how did those get there!!!! Okay so I knew about the sagging skin but I didn't sign up to be the milk factory???!!!! Now my next question is more to myself than anyone - why Barbie, why must you then proceede to stick your hand down your shirt and squeeze - as if milk is really going to squirt out???? I think I must have sat there staring at the transformation for at least 10 minutes - the emotions ranged from confused, to shocked, to horrified, to okay.............suddenly I realized that so much of the extra layer I see on a daily basis, while standing upright, is only skin.......I mean surely fat doesn't fall like that and feel so squishy/empty when squeezed??? Who knows - hope I didn't gross everyone out with that story but in the horror of feeling like a cow i realized that my 5 year plan (yep it includes the book, Oprah, a baby and then a pannulectomy) would take care of the udders and my how different my life would be!!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Passion with a Peach Pie!!

Whew - what a weekend! Somehow I managed to fit in nails, eyebrows, haircut, grocery shopping, dinner/birthday party for MIL, computer setup for my dad, house cleaning, laundry, house hunting and tire was a busy weekend to say the least! Ken did help out on Saturday but Sunday he was pretty much a waste of space - I asked him to spend some time with me......he asked what I wanted to do and after a few of my suggestions I soon realized that he had no intention of hanging with me - so what is a Barbie to do??? I went and got a hew hairstyle, got my nails done and hung out with myself!! I had a good time in spite of the fact that I knew Ken was sitting in front of his Playstation not doing anything!!

I have a confession to make - I succombed to the cry of the peaches in the peach pie that I made for MIL's birthday. Yep, couldn't help is amazing what you can rationalize at 3 in the morning - oh hell Barbie they're just peaches - pick on I'm having the argument in my head - back and forth - I am about to drift off to sleep when I hear it.......squeak, squeak - it's the damn dog and his squeaker toy outside! Well that is my perfect excuse to crawl out of the safety of my bed and into the dark abyss that is my garage.......out the door - tiptoe - getting to the gate to shut the dog up and then I see it - it is like a beacon in the night - damn - someone (ME) left the garage light on........I sneak up the sidewalk like a burgular and peer in - I see the fridge and I know that pie is in there......mmmmm.....I can smell it and almost taste it - allright my resolve is gone at this point. I pull back the foil and pull out a slice of peach.......the problem is that the whole time I do things like this I know I'm only sabatoging myself - then another peach and another. By the time I have finished eating peaches I realize that I have left a hole in the damn pie.......a hole that no candle on this earth is going cover what the hell am I going to do?? So here is Barbie in her nightgown at 3:00 a.m., in the garage, with a peach pie sitting on the dryer........what is she doing.......she is attempting to re-route the peaches so it appears that the pie has not been disturbed - i do have to serve this thing to 7 people tomorrow night!! I did manage to pull it off - the pie looked like hell and MIL eyed it like - did that Barbie Bitch throw this pie on the floor and then scoop it back in the pan?? Luckily, no one said anything but WOW - this is great - which I already knew since I had successfully eaten a quarter of it!!

The peach passion problem leads me to me new solution! I am going to start the Wendie plan today - Diva Barbie has had great success with it and the more I think about it the more I know that I have to change up my routine some......oh yeah, lately my obsession is boiled okra - I think I may need to see a shrink for this food obsession that I have! So I crave boiled okra - a few squirts of butter spray on it and that is it - how insane is that!! So here goes the Wendie Plan........the problem is that I am lazy when it comes to journaling and measuring so that will be a struggle! Also I am sooooo excited about my C25K starting - Jo and I are hitting the ground running on Aug. 13th.........I am excited but nervous - running creates noises for skin flapping and smacking together.......gonna have to duct tape some shit down or something???

One last thing and then I'm going to shut up - anyone ever roasted a chicken in the crockpot??? OH MY GOSH - my family loves it! Here is all you do:

Cover bottom of crockpot with aluminum foil balls (wad up foil - I also spray my crockpot with Pam first)

Place chicken on foil - breast side up and sprinkle with seasoning (I use Cajun seasoning but I have also used Italian Dressing, Lemon Pepper, Grill Seasoning)

Cover and cook on high for 5 hours

Let the chicken rest for a few minutes before pulling the meat off so you don't lose all your juices.........mmmmmm......chicken falls off the bone! When dinner is done, I debone and freeze the rest of the meat for casseroles or really should try it - it is an easy fix and everybody loves it!

Okay Barbie has to run - I've got to catch up on everybody too!! Barbie (((HUGS)))!!

Friday, August 3, 2007

A BOOK about Barbie and a BITCH about Oprah!!!

I said that I would save this for another post so here goes - it is official - I have started the book!! Not that I am an author really but what the hell! I say I started the book but really I am just randomly writing - is it possible to write and then assemble it later???? The greatest thing about writing is that I feel like I can really "zone" out when I'm doing it.......something that I desperately need to do on occassion. Many people say that exercise does the same thing for them - I think they are liars cause I ain't feeling the love on the exercise front!!

So the book starts - no where in paticular and in reality I'm not even really sure where it is going?? Just ramblings I guess! I have had such a full life with so many things coming and going that I should have no problem filling thousands of pages but connecting everything and making it relevant is not as easy as I would have imagined - seriously, I think I could possibly have some form of adult ADD - sometimes my brain goes in 27 directions and lets face it - my brain isn't big enough to go in all those directions!

So on to my bitch about Oprah -how random is that to throw in with a book announcement???!! I just want to know what in the hell I have to do to get on the Oprah show - now come on.........I am not the most spectacular or the greatest person in the world but I really wanna be on Oprah - I and 3 other people have sent my story to her show, along with a copy of the magazine, and have never heard a word back?? I'm sure they get a ton of stuff and although I would love to be on her show I am not so much offended that I haven't received an invitation - just that I haven't even gotten a crappy form letter saying thanks for your info - NADDA, NOTHING!! Oh well - I just was making my list of goals and being on Oprah is on there for a lifetime achievement - maybe it won't happen or maybe I'll write my book and then she'll let me be on her show???

New Year's in August???

California here I come!! Just kidding - I wish - vacation sounds like a wonderful place right now! To say that things are a bit more than busy would be safe........I do this to myself though - cram it all much as I can......more more more!! This Barbie has the temperant of a small child on some days - I so often find it difficult to be logical and level headed. I crave logic and constant; however, I seem to stir up strife and confusion! In an effort to put all of this in order and to save what little is left of my sanity - I have started making lists.......not that I follow them well but I can make a hell of a list! I'm great at coming up with ideas but not worth a damn on the follow through!! I said all of that to say that after reading KL's post last night, I have decided to make some "New Year's Resolutions" ala August!! I really think it is important to have a few key goals to work towards and I usually keep them close by but over the last few months I have let that practice slip a bit - so here goes!! Put on your party hats girls, break out the confetti and champagne - we are reliving New Years Eve!!!

1. Continue blogging and writing my book (yep, it is official - I started a book but more on that later - I gotta make ADD Barbie shut the hell up so I can get through this damn list!)
2. To start and finish that C25K thing - everyone is doing it and I am not going to be left behind!
3. To get our house ready to sell and on the market.
4. To get rid of these last 10 pounds - and maybe to quit having such a love affair with food!!!

Okay so there it is......I don't want to make huge commitments and set myself up for failure so those 4 are important and attainable! Anyone else got some resolutions??

Now last thing - I am really trying to gear up for going back to my old job - I love that place but sometimes the insanity is utterly insane! It is really like working for Ricky Ricardo - now you all should enjoy that as he is ALWAYS good for entertainment and comedic relief!! He comes complete with accent, temper and the ability to talk between English and Spanish when he gets pissed off.......he really is a riot and thank God I have finally figured out how to decipher half of the shit he says! Then there is Mama Jen or aka Lucy - she is the VP of Operations and is really the brains behind the operation but shhhhh....don't tell Ricky that, he thinks no one can BaBaLoo like him! They fight, he screams and she cries (not really but she gets that look)! Of course you have to remember the others like Brandon, the office gay guy and my soul sista!! Then there is Mama Kathy - she is like a younger version of June cleaver - she wears pearls and loafers - she is always smiling and sweet! Of course there are a zillion others, like our Aussie IT guy and Italian VP of Sales - I'm telling you guys, you think you have laughed before - you ain't seen nothing yet!!!

I walked the parking garage already today - trying to get out of my funk - eating has been better but with the way this week has been I'm not beating the hell out of myself. On a bright note - hubby has been soooooo incredibly supportive with all this craziness~!! I know I owe emails and updates, Barbie names and a ton of other stuff - never fear - my goal is to work on getting this updated this weekend - well and to pack up my closet, dig out hubby's, grandfather's grave marker (evidently it has fallen into a sink hole - not sure how I feel about digging around in a cemetary but whatcha gonna do??) - have dinner/birthday party for mom in shopping, laundry, house cleaning and oh maybe some sleep??? LOL - once again, I'm off and running - maybe I can slow down on Monday??

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

DRUM ROLL Please!!!

So my big news - geez, I cannot even do this insanity justice as I have no freaking time anymore. Now I would have had time had I not just spent 4 hours discussing quad outlets, turtle hardhats, tree saving tactics and a crocodile holding exhibit.......ughhhh!!! So to list my announcements - lets see - I am going back to my old job which includes a 52 mile, one way commute but I loved that job - I loved the people and I had a future there. Now I have to give notice where I am and finish out my two weeks - this shouldn't be too hard you say but the guy that I work with is a super stressed out social retard and he is probably going to have a ministroke when I tell him - not to mention his wife is having their first child next week and he is ready to stick his head in the oven about that - this guy is really on the fast-track to a heartattack! Secondly, we are moving - not just moving but MOVING - this move comes complete with in-laws, their cats, my cats, my dog, kid, 2 houses to sell - one of which is fucking falling down and should probably be demolished (yep that is where we live!!). We aren't going far but it will be closer to my job which is great but hubby has lived in our little community for 25 years - he is freaking to say the least...........I am freaking due to the excessive work that is now in front of us. It will all be good for us, our future, our family but between, kids, cats, cancer, jobs, roof repairs, racoons in the attic and a whole host of other shit I am running a bit crazy......I really hate change - I don't deal well with it - I like order and logic and NONE OF THIS IS LOGICAL! Nothing is planned, there are no lists, there is no schedule and so I am totally off kilter..........pulling my hair out, off kilter. Oh yeah, did I mention that inlaws are retiring and are going to live with us (we are psyched about this - this is the best part of the whole deal!) and that hubby is going to be looking for a new job too. This week has proven to be a difficult one and the fact that TOM is here just makes me really edgy. I haven't had time to exercise, think, sleep or relax - work is insane, home is insane and Barbie is slowly getting there (insert crazy sounding laughter here!!). Things will be okay though - I know this..........this kind of pressure is how I survive - I bitch about it and play the most beautiful martyr that you could ever imagine - "yes, I will lay my head on the chopping block for you......of course I don't mind taking on extra work even though it interferes with everything that I enjoy and love".......I'm telling you I've got a million of them!!

On the eating front.........oh can you say gooey day old donut holes.........okay gooey three day old donut holes.....who cares though! They were chocolate with glaze that at one point had consistency but now is pretty watery.....doesn't matter - in that scenario just scrape the donut on the bottom of the container!! Oh and then there are the 3 month old oreos - mushy yet somehow they filled a void in me.......that is the same reason I married my husband - sorry Ken! And you can't forget the semi-chocolate milkshake that I had last night - imagine, Barbie in a pair of cutie pj's - I've been feeling so disgusting lately that I thought I should relax with a bubblebath and put on pajamas early........yeah okay - hubby is at a friend's house and kiddo is in the bedroom - I am alone in the kitchen.......this is dangerous!! I remember the ice cream that I purposely put in the garage freezer so I would stay away - stupid stupid Barbie!!! I lurk outside.......the weather is smoldering and muggy - perfect ice cream sneaking weather. I get to the garage where immediately I smell the garbage can........god bless - when was the last time Ken took out the trash - DAMN!! Make a mental note Barbie - Ken is gonna hear about this - imagine his nerve - ruining my ice cream party by stinking up the party room!!!! I get to the freezer - suddenly I smell nothing but victory - there it is......choco chip cookie dough ice cream!!!! Ahhhhh - in goes the Barbie finger - love these nails they are great for digging out the big chunks!! Should I have one dip of the finger or 2??? Hmmmmm - maybe three - wait, there is chocolate syrup in the fridge......insert another evil laugh here along with a horrid grin!!! I am so busy contemplating my semi milkshake that I don't realize I'm dripping ice cream down my is it possible that I can become so caught up in the prospect of eating that i forget I have a handful of ice cream??? I run in the house - scoop of icecream in my hand - I know, not one of my finer moments but I knew what would happen if I brought that shit in the house.....I'm running - trying to dodge cats, couches, shit there is a lego that I just stepped on! To the kitchen - throw in the ice cream (no not in the blender - in my mouth) and squirt in the syrup......yep - there you have it - the Barbie milkshake - then all you do is shake your head around and mix it up!!!! MMMM - just the way I like it...........then I looked down!! There is ice cream on the floor, running down my arm, on my shirt (damn these are cute pj's too!!!).......why do I do this to myself??? I cleaned up the mess and sulked off to my room........vowing not to come out again except for bathroom breaks and water!! I'm chalking that up to stress eating but really I'm thinking it was just barbie hysteria........must have ice cream now - I don't think it's really my fault - if my kid hadn't asked for the chocolate syrup and hubby hadn't bought that damn ice cream we never would have had this problem!!! Just kidding - I take total responsibility for my actions but I'm stressing it today - I figure with cats, kids, houses, inlaws, husbands, jobs, crocodile tanks, turtle hardhats, fish poop and filtration systems I have enough on my plate!

One last thing - I know that I suck right now with keeping up with everyone - please forgive this Barbie - I love you all tons and do read your posts but time has been tight so comments have been few - please don't hate me - I'll do better or I'll drown in ice cream???

Major Shake Up Coming Down!!

Hello all! I have some major changing going on in my life at this moment and of course do not have time to do it justice with a post right at this moment so.........I'm gonna leave you all hanging!! I will say that I will be back and that if TOM does not leave soon I may be forced to temporarily staple my mouth shut.........I ate oreos last night.........the shitty thing is that they are 2 months old and not stale but mushy....... mmmmmm, nothing like a mushy oreo to hit the spot!! So I wasted points on 3 shitty oreos and a 3 day old chocolate donut hole. I also spent much time dreaming of food........last night the dreams were coming about peanuts - can anyone tell me what a dream about peanuts could possibly mean???? There has to be some sort of subconcious meaning to my insanely screwed up dreams!!! I will be back a little later to catch up and fill in the blanks........feel like I am running just to catch up with myself today!! Oh and I get to have more turtle hardhat discussions this afternoon - can't hardly wait!!!