This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Wooden Teasets

As I peruse the internet I often come across bloggers whose pictures display this perfect balance of hip and June Cleaver. These blogs always leave me scratching my head while tagging their page so I can return day after day and feel like a loser mom. Their daughters are having tea parties with little wooden tea sets rather than the cheap plastic ones from China……..their homes are beautiful shades of gray and orange……..a color combination that I love but would never be daring enough to attempt. They have recreated goodwill finds into original pieces of art that they have displayed all over their magazine worthy home. They shop at places like Anthropologie and Crate & Barrel. Their jewelry always coordinates with their super, cute and trendy wedge heels. Their children are dressed in a plethora of modern attire straight from sewing machines off Etsy or maybe, just maybe these cute and trendy June Cleaver’s make these wares themselves with wool from their organic goats. Of course they also find ways to convince their children to eat humus, quinoa, homemade yogurt and goat butter………..they baby wear, cloth diaper, have mismatched furniture that looks like it is supposed to be that way and they take incredible pictures of their incredible lives!!

I just have one question for all you trendy mom bloggers………how is it possible that you have time to do all of this?? Maybe your kids don’t cry, or puke, or poop their pants, or spray paint the walls with black spray paint??? Maybe you have brooms that move themselves, washing machines that do the laundry automatically and toilets that manage to clean up the pee streaks running down them, with little to no help from you?? I know this sounds like a jealous rant but I’m not really jealous……….okay, maybe I am just a teensy bit but I’m really intrigued. Did this cool, crunchy aura invade your body when you gave birth or has it always been there??

Let me give you a peek into my life. The furniture all matches……except for the spots where the cats have laid and covered my gold/taupe couches in grey hair. My floors usually have crap all over them………sometimes it’s literal crap but for the most part it is legos, pop tart crumbs, spaghetti noodles, fruit loops, some milk stains and hot wheels………thank God for hardwood. I’m not sure what would happen if I had carpet to contend with?? Speaking of pop tarts and spaghetti – there is a good look in to my kid’s diet. There is no trendy jewelry because I fear my children would strangle me with a strand of beads and wedge heels, uh no. A pair of comfy ballet flats is what I live in. My house is overrun with toys…….most of them from China and while I’m learning to sew, the last dress I made for Abby almost cut off the blood circulation to her arms because somehow I managed to make the arm holes to small!! I hate modge podge, hot glue guns, beads and puffy paint……….I work with these items when necessary but in my humble opinion, mixing 2 toddlers, 1 frazzled mom and crafting supplies is just a bad idea. I have 500 pictures on my camera that need to be reviewed and either deleted or downloaded, a stack of laundry that J U S T N E V E R L E A V E S and what is that stuff growing in the refrigerator.
Guys, I’m not lazy and I’m not a slob but sometimes it is hard to tell that by the condition of my house/life.

Some days I just sit the kids in the floor, in front of the tv with a pb&j (I know, go ahead and report me to CPS) just so I can have 5 minutes of peace. This teenager and 2 toddlers thing is hard work and I’m just constantly amazed at these parents who are able to juggle it all. Maybe it is because I work outside of the home?? Maybe it’s because I’m not organized enough?? Maybe I’m too anal, too lazy, too something. What I’m NOT is too trendy, too organized, too patient or too crunchy. So if you are one of these mom’s that I envy so, please fill me in on your tricks…..pretty please……… it for the children!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Beautiful World

I need to do a quick mind dump real quick………too much stuff in my brain!!
First, I’ve lost 40 pounds since September 1st……….I have about 80 to so don’t start shouting hallelujahs yet. And before anyone starts judging me for gaining that much weight back…….yeah, I don’t care what you think……….every one of those pounds was worth it to get my babies so I have no regrets! I’m plugging along, eating healthy, planning meals, prepping food on the weekends until my fingers bleed and basically just trying to add some good healthy years to my life for the little people that helped me put this weight back on. No longer consumed with being a size 2 or buying designer clothes is proving to make this journey more enjoyable. Well as enjoyable as drinking liters of water and eating boatloads of carrots can be. This time it is different…..I’m not miserable, I’m not thrilled either but more importantly, I’m not miserable. I’m not freaking out if I slip up and I’m not going to spend the rest of my life potentially putting my children into therapy because mommy has an eating disorder. I’m going to do the best I can and at some point, maybe not next month, but at some point I will be where I want to be. I can give you the low down on the diet in my next post……..see I’m just not consumed with it anymore.

Speaking of kids……….they are beautiful, amazing, more than I could ever deserve. They are also exhausting, inquisitive, angry toddlers a lot of the time. I have some CUH-RAZY stories to share about William that include black spray paint……yeah, maybe next time. They bring joy to the very core of my being and there are times, after the kids have long been in bed, that I have to resist the urge to go wake them up to cuddle. Funny how in the thick of things we can’t seem to find that irresistible urge to snuggle them………like at 4:00 in the afternoon when they want you to play play-doh and watch Dora and all you want to do is get some kind of dinner in the oven so you won’t all starve to death. Those times when you remind your 3 year old that mommy wasn’t created just to entertain him only to have him look at you like you have 2 heads and again ask, “mommy, play play-doh with me?”. Those are the moments that make up my life. Like I’m constantly in a hamster wheel with no way to exit………like a theme park ride that goes on and on and won’t stop long enough to let me stumble out the right side of the car so I can puke in a trash can instead of on my co-rider!

This year I’m trying hard to remember who I am……..why I am…….where I want to be. I’m a mommy, wife, friend, sister, coworker……..yeah, that is who I am but not really “who I am”. I want to love bigger this year, give more. More of myself, my time, my money, my compassion and not just to people who need it but to the people that I love. I want to bake cookies and create art projects. I want to take thousands of pictures (with my new camera)…….I want to take impromptu, silly pictures of toddler boys in super hero capes and perfect princesses playing dress up. I want to LIVE this life I’ve been given. I want to remember every single detail, every smell, every sight, every sound. Sometimes I want that so much that it almost moves me to tears… can I do that. How can I be the grounded, methodical, planner that I am and still be free to experience all of the joys that come with messy handprints, lazy Saturdays and camp outs in the backyard. I’m sure we all have this quandaries………if I ever come across the answer, I’ll let you know. For now, I’ll leave with you a couple of reasons why I press for the answer.