This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Friday, August 10, 2007

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!

Hello FRIDAY - wow what a week........I think the better term would be WOW what a life! Things are as crazy as ever but I am repeating the mantra that all is well.......it isn't working - now matter how much I say it I know it's bullshit but makes me feel a little more normal!! LOL ~ so tomorrow is the BIG DAY.......what do you ask does tomorrow hold - what monumental occassion on the agenda??? Cardio Plus class at the gym.........I'm already stressing about it......what do I wear, should I wrap my extra skin in saran wrap so I don't knock out the person beside me by moving to quickly........will people stare or laugh or point??? I know what you are all thinking, get a grip Barbie, but the sad thing is that for all my Trixieness I still see the fat kid in the mirror. I really thought that at some point my mental image would catch up with the physical one but it ain't happening. I seriously have thought about counseling just because I really bordered on an eating disorder for a while........I was obsessed with losing and everything about food sent me spiraling out of control.........thank goodness I was able to semi-work through that and now the only scars left from that battle are my zany obsessive compulsive moments.

Speaking of that - I went to get a sugar free snowcone last night - oh my gosh - they make a sugar free frappucino that is to die for........so I start being my freak out Barbie self and am asking all kinds of wacked out nutritional questions - I know the girl in the snowcone shack was thinking "bitch, calm down!" but I couldn't believe that something soooo good was sugar free - well guess what - I found out that while it was sugar free it was made with half and half......so not necessarily calorie free! Anyway the chick looks at me in disgust and says "geez, did you used to be on some kind strict, wacky diet or something" - shit, pardon me I had no idea that being educated about what you were shoveling in your face was a crime - no I didn't say that - just thought it! Instead I replied as sweetly as possible "actually I was on a diet because I used to weigh 400 pounds!" Her face turned bright red and I thought she was going to fall over.......made me feel pretty damn good!

Back to the class - I'm going with a friend so I can't chicken out - she is all pumped up about it so I have to at least pretend to be super excited........wish me luck! Last but not least - thanks to everyone who has kept up with me - this last week has been a tough one.......I need sleep and hubby needs well - he needs a lot of things but lets say sleep isn't on his list.......think I'm gonna wear that turtle hard hat and see if I can get him to leave me alone - I'm awful - poor guy!! I gotta do one more post cause I need help so when you get done reading this one just suck it up and humor me by reading the next one.

3 comments:

Swizzlepop said...

Great response to the snow cone chick! Why the hell are people so fricken nosey?

Dawn said...

I recently disovered your blog and I LOVE IT! You are going to be GREAT at the cardio class! Put on your big girl panties and get to it. Don't worry about what everyone else is thinking if they are worried about you or are looking at you then they are stupid and not there for the right reasons. BURN THOSE CALORIES --- Dawn

Lacey Q said...

I went to my first class at the YMCA not that long ago. I had put it off for months until I finally gave into my friend. I was so freakin nervous before I got there...I almost hyperventilated before I got there. Anyway...I gave it a chance and...LOVED it! Looking back on it now I can't believe I was so worried about it. I hope you have the same end experience :) ~Lacey