So I did the first day of c25k......it went pretty well although it is kind of hard to keep up with the 60 second/90 second thing.......I felt like I spent a lot of time watching the clock and adjusting the damn treadmill! Tonight is spin class.........I'm worried but at least there won't be any chance of me tripping - maybe falling off that tiny bicycle seat......I mean seriously who the hell can fit there ass comfortably on that damn seat.......my butt is so wide and floppy that if I'm not careful it could possibly encompass the whole damn thing and I may end up with a seat wedged up my ass! My friend K has never been to a class either so we'll see - if we don't like the spin class we may check out water aerobics...........I'm not sure about this one either. Although the girls do float nicely - Amanda, you weren't kidding!! My idea of fun is not suiting up in a bathing suit in public........the girls float but so does the pannus and water wings...........I enjoyed my boobies being in the right spot for once but the rest of my body looked like I it had been the victim of a house fire........can you say traumatizing! Not to mention we have one bathroom in our house and of course - I'm in the tub trying to relax and Ken has to pee.......god bless every time I try to get some peace and quiet I am interrupted........I guess I could have pulled the curtain to but I didn't want there to be any chance of Ken's retinas being scarred because of my appearance and lack of clothing!! Trust me it wasn't pretty!
I did fairly well on the eating front yesterday.......half an oatmeal cookie but no picking which for me is a great thing!!! I was really hungry all day though and I hate that......you know that empty place in your belly that just won't shut the hell up! I am really starting to get frustrated with myself for not being able to vary my menu.......I know, I know - just do it but it is easier said than done for me. Really I eat the same thing every day and I know that it can't be good for me.......it is making me nutty! I cook different things for the hubby and kiddo but for me I just prefer my egg whites and veggies - last night I did throw in a piece of toast but that is about as adventureous as I get! Now with the exercise thing I really know that I need to up my calories........but this is again easier said than done........damn my obsessive compulsive personality!!
On a more serious note, not that that wasn't serious, I am really thinking of checking into some counselling..........I can walk around all day pretending to be Trixie/Barbie and acting like all is well in my world but the truth is there are still some issues that I need to work through. I can't wait to have a baby and have plastic surgery but before I do that I want to really work on my emotional self. In all reality, I have a very distorted view of food - not like you didn't all know that! I went from living with my grandparents where food was endless and I got what I wanted to having a stepmother that restricted everything - literally she would let the last piece of lunchmeat rot in the fridge before letting us have it........she too had been a victim of not having enough food when she was a kid so she imposed all these crazy rules and limits on us - she hid food, wouldn't share food, blah blah blah........this really messed with my head and now it is a constant struggle to not feel like we don't have enough. Really I have 24 individual cups of peanut butter in my pantry.........who the fuck has that many cups of pb - I won't eat it and I buy it in the little cups so I don't have an open jar but that shit has been there for months.......same goes for stupid stuff like rice, beans - you know staple stuff........I am overrun by cans of food, bags, boxes - most of which we don't eat.........I don't stockpile the veggies and meat cause I like that fresh and really we typically only eat veggies and meat so why in the HELL do I feel the need to have 27 boxes of rice???? So that is my rant - I want to pass on good eating habits to my kids, I want to not feel like I don't have enough - at some point I need to learn to be content and feel "safe" around food. The one thing that I do believe very strongly in is to introduce your kids to veggies, fruits, good food and allowing them to help make healthy choices. We also do not ever tell our son that he can't have something - now don't overrun me with emails - I'm not talking about candy for breakfast (although there have been a couple of special occasions where I let him have gellato for breakfast - he thought I was the coolest mom ever!) but if there is something in the house that I bought for me and he wants it.......then he can have it......the not sharing your food thing was one of my stepmoms main devices and that was just so bad for me. Luckily we only have 1 kid to contend with so there is always plenty and I realize with more kids that "diet" food gets expensive and so sometimes you have to set it apart. Also we don't subscribe to the clean your plate club - another downfall that I have.........I so don't want my son to go through what I have been through - I don't want him to start out going past his comfort level because that only escalates!
All right girls - I'm off to a meeting but will be back later to catch everyone up! Next post will have the Barbie Brigade Blog site on it!