This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Friday, August 17, 2007

I AM Alive - just pitiful!

Hi all! I am sorry that I've been MIA but with the job switch things have been a little nutty. Also my maniac dog decided to chew through the phone line at home so I am internetless at the casa! All went well at night 3 of the gym......it was step aerobics with weights, basically like the class from Saturday but on steroids......jesus! I was whipped and I almost succeeded in making it the whole hour without injury but in the last ten minutes, my arms managed to give out and I clocked myself in the forehead with an 8 pound weight! The fourth night at the gym (last night) was spin class but with a different instructor and let me tell you she ROCKED us.........she was great and I LOVED her teaching style - not to mention I totally feel the effects of the workout - can you say SORE. Gonna take a break tonight but will probably hit the gym on Saturday even though my bod bud is out of commission due to a garage sale!

Now on to why I'm melancholy and pitiful..........hmmmm, went to the fertility doc today and let's just say the baby gods aren't smiling on me. I actually am feeling better than I did initially but that is only after a Barbie fit......complete with crying and ranting about why can't anything be easy for me!! I mean really, I got stuck with a crazy childhood, fat genes, sever self esteem issues and NOW baby issues........just once it would be nice if something was semi-easy!! On top of that, I had to wait 2 hours to see a doc that I've been trying to get in to see for 4 months.......then I got the wonderful internal ultrasound (humiliation with a wand) and then I got the speech about gland issues........in a nutshell this guy thinks my insulin levels are too high (PCOS) and something is up with another gland that helps promote ovulation........nothing is for sure until Monday but at that point we will know what Baby Barbie is going to cost me.......injectable hormones (which is what he is thinking I will need) are about 2500 bucks a pop.......nice - so at that price it shouldn't take too terribly long to run through our savings and land us in debt land!

Sorry for the pity party, I'm just bummed. I also got to step on the fucking scale and that was not a pleasant experience! I just freaked out.......I know that some of it is water retention because of all mornings to wake up with swollen hands - I got this morning. Not to mention my jeans, shoes, blah, blah, blah..........I know the numbers are only a game but it sucks all the same. Oh yeah, the doc was nice enough to inform me that one of the side effects of the hormones was weight gain..........shit thanks, just what I wanted to do - pay 3 grand for 30 pounds.......does it ever end!!

In reality I shouldn't complain. There are soooo many people that struggle with things much more signifigant than 10 pounds or infertility. I am healthy, my husband loves me and I have wonderful friends - I am blessed in spite of it all but for right now I just felt like being a crybaby. I'm gonna suck it up now and put on my big girl panties - too much to do this weekend to get bogged down in a pity party. I am going to try to catch up with everyone but it may be next week........I have a ton of work to catch up on since I was out almost all day today!

You guys are the best and I miss you all tons!!! Barbie (((HUGS)))

11 comments:

Tina said...

Hope it gets better.:)

jodi said...

i'm sorry to hear you're going thru such 'woman' issues - i've always had a fear that i won't be able to have children but we'll see what happens when i get to that point (hopefully soon since i'm 36!)... i know there are other options but being an artist, i've always thought that 'creating' a baby would be the most wonderful thing in the world... i'm sure things WILL work out for you... (HUG)

Melanie said...

Ick girl! I wish I could give you a great big hug right now! I'll keep you in my prayers and will be hoping for good news on Monday! Take care and pamper yourself this weekend. I think you need a pedicure or something!

And way to go for the gym workouts...we might have two gym bunny barbies on our hands!! ;-)

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Hey- I'm glad you're back... You know, you're totally right, that all just sucks big time. I really hope things start looking up soon...

Superjayman's Battle of the Bulge said...

chin up girl....things will get better soon for sure. glad to see you back online after the "dog" incident!!!! {{HUGS}}

Calyn said...

Glad you are back...congrats on all your kick-ass works outs! Oh, but hope your forehead is ok- OUCH! Sorry for all the baby troubles you are having. I think we will be going thru a similar situation as we have not gotten pregnant yet, but then we haven't been trying very hard... practicing but not doing everything we could to make it happen. I hope it all works out for you ((hugs))

BB said...

I'm sorry you've been going thru all that fertility stuff. (I've had that wand exam-eeww) Let me tell you this: I have one friend that it took her 10 yrs to get pregnant and now she has 4 kids! I have another friend that has had a lot of medical issues-diabetes being one of them and now she has twins. So you hang in there-it may not be easy, but it can happen!

Candace said...

Steph, I wish I could be there to just give you a big hug. I can't even imagine how you're feeling. {{{HUGS}}}

Amanda said...

Hey--I thought *I* was gym bunny barbie! You're gonna steal my name! :) LOL!! Seriously, you are rockin your gym workouts. That's so awesome!

As for the baby thing...I truly feel for you. I've had a fear of secondary infertility (inferility after having a perfectly normal pregnancy). Hang in there...they can do some amazing things these days. BTW, Can I have your personal email address?? I'll keep praying for you and for some good news today. Chin up and smile! :)

MMalloy said...

Steph, I am thinking about you, and praying to the baby gods for you to. You have so much going for you and I am sure things will work out one way or another. Remember, your barbie friends are here for you no matter what!! {{HUGS}}

NCChris said...

Hey hon -- somehow I missed this post when you wrote it, but email me b/c I would be really hesitant to do injectibles without trying some of the less expensive (and uber-effective for PCOS) treatments. So maybe you've already tried Clomid, and if so, you should try Clomid with Metformin for at least 6 cycles before moving on to injectables. Injectables can be reallllllllyyyyyy dangerous if you have cystic ovaries! Anyway, just tell me to butt out if you've already been there and done that, but since you just got your PCOS diagnosis, I wasn't sure what you had already tried! {{{HUGS}}}