This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, August 30, 2007

My aerobic instructor made me put my feet in the stirrups!!!

Am I going crazy or does it seem that the days are getting shorter……….good gosh where does the time go?? Last night it was after 10:00 p.m. before I even got to sit down. I did hit my step w/weights class so that put me home a little late…….I love that class normally but last night I wasn’t feeling it…… legs felt like lead, I couldn’t hit the beat and the instructor brought out the dreaded “gliders” – more on those in a sec!

On the food front – I have been doing pretty well thanks to the blood sugar medicine. For the first time in a long time I am not dying for sweets and carbs. I also have a lot more energy so FINALLY I feel like I am a normal person – now don’t get me wrong – I still have some major food issues but I feel more capable of handling them now – who knew that this was how my body was supposed to work??? I’m doing good with points and have adopted the method of “linking” foods together when I eat – this is apparently the best way for an Insulin Resistant person to eat – of course everyone says “do this, do that” but I can’t give up my points system completely – it took me through 250 pounds so I know it works!

Okay so on to the explanation of the damn gliders. Whoever invented those things was masochist. Has anyone seen these babies – well they appear to be harmless enough – small purple discs that glide across the floor or send you gliding across the floor, which is what happened in my case. Here we are a room full of grown women, sweating and stinky – so close to the end of the workout that we can feel it. Our muscles are sore, are legs are exhausted from doing 150 fucking lunges and if I hear “alternate knee lifts” one more time, I’m gonna cut my wrist! So we are down to the last 10 minutes and this is the part that I love……….I love anticipating the end of class and stretching out. Unfortunately my idea of how the last 10 minutes should go was not what our instructor had in mind.

She begins with the gliders. Like I said they appear harmless but it doesn’t take long to realize that God did not intend for me to glide. I am not graceful, I have no rhythm nor coordination. Step class in itself is a struggle for me – now throw in an act of gliding and it’s a damn near impossibility. But hey, I’m a good sport so I place my feet on the damn discs and start trying to mimic the teacher’s movements…….WTF is that about……bend one leg (don’t forget my foot is on a “glider”) and take the other leg out to the side and then pull it back in…….now that doesn’t sound too difficult but do it a few thousand times and suddenly I feel my already jiggly leg getting shaky. I’m trying to hang on but I can’t – in my effort to push my leg out slowly, I lose the ability to stop pushing it – literally my foot kept sliding against my will… running in socks on a hardwood floor. The girl next to me – which by the way goes to the gym everyday and looks fab – realizes who I am from Spin Class and starts inching the opposite direction – she knew what was coming – BARBIE. Before I knew it I was in a semi-split position and down on one knee – about that time I lost all control and just fell over…… most cases people would be horrified if that happened to them but I laughed – I have no shame anymore. I finally maneuvered around until I got my feet off the “discs” and onto the floor, by that time they were done with the exercise – THANK GOD! So you would think that the fun would end there….I mean I’m looking at the clock thinking how much more torture can she inflict on us in the last 5 minutes??? PLENTY! Next came inner-thigh work with resistance bands – okay, I’m game until she starts telling us to put the band under the step, lay on our backs and hook our feet into the band as if they were a set of stirrups…….huh?? Really I don’t think that stirrups and step class should be in the same room – tell me there is something that I’m missing here??? NO – not so much – down we all go – feet in the stirrups, legs in the air – I have never felt more vulnerable…….well that is until she stretches us out – using the “bug” position……seriously girls – my ass has never been exposed at quite that angle and there were positions going on this room that I’m sure our husbands would have loved to have known about! Picture a room full of women with their legs almost wrapped around their head……it was not a pretty sight – in fact it was almost scary. I really didn’t need to know my bod bud like that………I told the instructor that she could have at least bought us dinner before making us expose ourselves like that!! Being the Barbie that I am – I went home and showed the hubby what I had learned in class – he now loves the fact that I go to that class ;-}!!

Spin class is tonight so wish me luck………it is a real work out but well worth it!


Amanda said...

Good luck tonight! You are rockin the gym workouts. I have to applaud you!! And your descriptions just crack me up!

WeightBGone said...

As always you never fail to crack me up. If laughing helps one to lose weight then I have shed a few pounds over your blogs. lol

You are doing a great job with your workouts!!!

MtngirlinCali said...

You're too funny! Make me feel human when I think back on the 1st time I tried Billy Blanks' Tai Bo video....I fell over stretching! Heehhhe.... See, you are turning into Gym Bunny Barbie. Before long, you'll have a rockin' hot bod we'll all be jealous of. :) (Not that you don't already, but you are definitely kicking it up a notch in the workout department!)

MMalloy said...

Gliders, stirrups, feet around head...geez, I would have been laughing to hard to follow the insturctions. You are doing so awesome with your work-outs, I am so proud of you!

Candace said...

WOW! The pool opens on Tuesday here and I'm taking the kids for open swim and buying a 3-month membership. This deserves a short-term commitment right now in case I decide I want to join a gym for the winter - gotta be diplomatic with 'I don't like water Ken'.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Stirrups are NEVER a good thing. Ever.

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