This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A day in the life of a pee stick....

WORK DAMNIT.....those were the words that I was screaming at my ovaries this morning.....ughhh, every morning I've been shaking the magic ovulation predictor stick like it's an eff'ing magic 8 ball........no dice though. So who the hell knows - at this point, my philosophy is to put on some lipstick, blast the radio on the way to work and worry about it later. Later meaning, "we interrupt your regularly scheduled program for doctor ordered sex" - yep, tonight is another episode of "Lets Make A Baby" - this happens to interfere with my season premier of LOST.......what the hell! My mother keeps telling me to relax and let it come naturally.......WTF-ever......have you ever tried to relax when you get up in the morning, feet hit the floor, feel like you're going to wet your pants so you do the pee pee dance down the hall.....only to realize "shit, gotta pee on a stick". So you go scrambling for the box underneath the sink (because really, who leaves that kind of stuff laying out), dancing around in your underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, thinking gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee. You retrieve the INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED sticks - shit, why do they have to wrap these in industrial strength titanium wrappers......geez, I'm thinking people don't typically tamper with ovulation predictor kits??? Finally after struggling with this flipping wrapper, the savage in me takes over and rips the package open with my teeth - of course - the stick goes flying across the bathroom!!! Have you ever tried to tell your bladder "haha only kidding, you don't really get to go" after already sitting down - HOLY CRAP! So I'm trying rise with my legs crossed and waddle across the bathroom......at this point I'm seriously contemplating just pissing on the stick right there in the middle of the bathroom - I'll clean up the mess when I'm done!! I do manage to fling myself AND my stick to the potty and I succeed......my bladder is my friend again - the clock, on the other hand, reminds me that I have just wasted 10 minutes of my life on this drama.....then of course there is the 5 minute wait....tick, tock - there is nothing interesting or intriguing about this process - especially not after 7 days worth of 5 minute waits! Not to mention these waits tallied together have cost me 35 minutes of daylight - all for NOTHING! Sooooo frustrating but enough of baby talk - on to my next bitch.

That would be putting on pants that were too big a few months ago only to find out SUPRISE - they fit now. Great, I've inherited a new pair of pants and a bigger ass! It's like a freakin 2 for 1 special - my consultation is knowing that I am now on the road back to normalacy. Speaking of normalacy - I did great yesterday until bed time. I was having horrible nightmares and couldn't sleep - this led me to mindless munching. Lucky for me I did really well during the day so I didn't completely blow a zillion calories overall but still - running to food for solace ='s emotional overeating and this is something that I'm really trying to conquer. It's a good thing that Rome wasn't built in a day or I'd be screwed.

So in maintaining my "screw it attitude" for the day - I decided to Trixie it up a bit. Nothing too fancy but I did a funky do with my hair and put on some bright red lipstick. I just needed to be someone different for today. Someone who wasn't completely engulfed in fertility, weight loss, calories, fat and just basic bullshit. You know what, being someone else is fun sometimes! With today being day 3 of "back to reality" for me - I'm feeling better and better. As I said earlier, I've got to work on that middle of the night, can't sleep, munching thing but overall I ate on plan last night and felt good about it.

Tonight is spin class and then of course the "assorted festivities" (see above) at home. At some point I have to slow down but right now I don't think there is an end in sight!!! My goals for today are to continue with doing what I need to do, food wise, and to NOT kill anyone - oh and I need to go get some more magic pee sticks too!

HUGS to you all and I'll report back tomorrow!!!

6 comments:

Tina said...

Hee hee hee... OMG, I almost peed out my 1.5 liters of water I just downed I was laughing so hard. :)) Just be glad you don't have to POOP on a stick. Ew, gross. Sorry about that.

Good luck tonight.. can't wait to hear how the "festivities" went. :))

WeightBGone said...

LMAO Steph you give my tummy a good work out laughing at your blogs. Hey, just think maybe your humorous blogs are good exercise for the girth around the middle. :)

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Scale Junkie said...

I would keep scissors and a stick on the vanity in the bathroom ready to roar when your bladder is...I mean who is going to see it in the middle of the night?

Enjoy the premiere of Lost and assorted exercise festivities ;-)

Melanie said...

Steph - Love the blow by blow of peeing on a stick! It is not the easiest thing to do, especially when you have to go so badly. Thanks for making me smile. Enjoy your festivities!! :)

Kate said...

You know, for some reason that is a downfall I have too...the middle of the night munching when I can't sleep thing. It's getting better, as it used to be stand in the kitchen and eat a quart of ice cream, now it's eat a couple handfuls of carrots. But still...no idea what the heck is up with that...I hate it!

Swizzlepop said...

OMG you crack me up. I realize that I am late on this but I like to save your posts for when I can really site and go through all the ones I've missed and comment :D

You are not alone with the POAS (pee on a stick). I'll email ya some info in case I haven't already.