This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Can I get a volunteer???

So it's confession time again at the Barbie blog and I have a list a mile long. To start with I am still really battling this "fat girl" mentality. I'm fighting hard but I keep seeing 400 pound Stephanie in the mirror. Really this is the first time since I began this journey that I have felt semi-out of control. This is bad because not only do I feel run down from the mental battle but I'm teetering on the edge of self hatred. I have bad habits, we all do, but I like to be in control of mine and at this current junction in my life - well, I'm just not. So, I'm asking for a little help with accountability.....where do you guys come in??? I need a couple of people to police me just a bit......you know the drill - bitch at me, keep me in check, ask me if I'm keeping up with my goals, remind me that I have to change my habits and that it will only take a few days of hard work to get me back in gear.......I know it's a lot to ask but I AM DESPERATE girls! Let me just tell you what I'm trying to do:

1. Eating after the gym - ONLY when I'm hungry
2. If I am hungry when I get home from the gym then I should eat as soon as I get home and eat only until I'm satisfied.
3. Eating breakfast in the morning.
4. Making a food plan and sticking to it.

So for the next week I am going to work at eating when I'm hungry but not so late.....I know this is a huge issue for me and I have to stop this habit. I am not entitled to eat because I worked hard at the gym......I have to revert back to the basics and remember that this is a new place in my journey - I have to strategize and find new ways to make this work so I'm giving this a shot. I'm going to post how I'm doing but if you guys don't see something from me tomorrow regarding my progress then start yelling! I am much happier when I feel like I'm in control of my own actions. That sounds silly because I utimately am the only one that controls what goes in my mouth but I swear that there is a devil on my shoulder most of the time......he yells, BREAD, FRITOS, PEANUTS, CANDY.......well I'm sick of hearing him so I'm going to start yelling back at him! Will you raise your voice with me??

Thanks to you all for reading, supporting, commenting and just being fab!!

7 comments:

Kate said...

You know I'm here to keep you on track girlfriend. Just don't expect me to be mean about it! I have a hard time doing that, lol.

And as far as my daily menus, yes I am still journaling like a mad woman, just hadn't been posting them because I didn't feel people looked at them (or had interest in them). Perhaps I will start again so that you can get more ideas :)

AND YOU HAVE TO TRY THE CARROT MUFFINS....OMG they are awesome!

Scale Junkie said...

Steph, when I'm out of control I have to go drill seargent on my own ass and embrace my inner control freak. I do this by writing out a menu for 7 days and eating only whats on that menu for 7 days...if I have a craving for something it goes on NEXT weeks menu, by pre planning it takes the thought and focus off of food so I don't obsess about dinner and food all day. Yes you spend a few hours thinking about what you will have for 7 days but then the rest of the week you don't think about it at all you just eat from the list. I know it sounds stupid to a lot of people but when I'm out of control this snaps me back into control. Its about putting structure and control into your food plan and taking the food obsession out.

I have every confidence in you, you give me such great advice, support and encouragement. You told me a few weeks ago that.....You know it isn't easy but every day you get up, "put on your big girl panties" and JUST DO IT! Those things are what makes you a WINNER!...those are your words, I have them printed out and hanging next to my computer and when I'm out walking and I want to tell Ken to go get the car because I can't go another step I hear you saying to put my big girl panties on and just do it and its then that I start to jog instead of walk.

You can get that control back, I have every faith and confidence in you Steph!

Swizzlepop said...

Your plan sounds good.
I definitely agree with eating breakfast. What about planning out your day the way Candace does (Journey to Thin)? Making sure to include snacks and your veggies (cauliflower). Maybe paln your week like Diana suggests so that you can go shopping and then make a daily plan like Candace. This way you can mix it up a bit but you are still sticking to a plan which keeps you in control. How about a healthy protein shake after your workout? Just something to mix things up a bit but still keeping you in control. And definitely eat when you are hungry or even schedule it so that you eat every 2-3 hours but smaller meals and only eat until satisfied. Listen to the cues your body gives you.
I know you can do it, you've made it this far.

Candace said...

1. Eating after the gym - ONLY when I'm hungry
- I can't support this. You need fuel after a workout within the hour. Not a big one, but at least 2 pointer of something substantial, such as a cup of LF milk would be awesome. I usually down a scoop of prot powder mixed with water. You get used to it.
2. If I am hungry when I get home from the gym then I should eat as soon as I get home and eat only until I'm satisfied.
- Dig out those WW books. What does satisfied FEEL like. Maybe what you need is to KNOW what you're going to eat when you get home. That way you don't have to think about it after a long day at work and a gruelling workout.
3. Eating breakfast in the morning.
- STEPH!!!!! Do you need a massive kick in the ass, girl. 4pts MINIMUM for breakfast. EVERY day. Need options, just ask - I got a few. 3pts whole grain cereal and 2 pts milk; 2pts cottage cheese, 1pt thawed frozen berries, 1pt toast; scrambled egg with fried veggies and cheese or toast (4-5pts depending); egg and egg white omelet with cheese; smoothie with milk, frozen fruit, yogurt, 1/8C wheat germ or fibre flakes; oatmeal with milk and unsw. applesauce. THERE!
4. Making a food plan and sticking to it.
- I started using an excel spreadsheet with 7 columns. It's really basic - I posted one last week. I print off a blank one and plan my food for the week. Add a couple rows for family meals if they're eating something different. One copy goes on my fridge, the other in my cooler. AND, get a cooler. You won't regret it. It'll go great with your hard hat - I presume you kept one as a souvenir. Keep some plastic utensils in it so you won't have to snort your yogurt.

Caroline said...

Even though we are ultimately in control of our actions (of course), it does seem like we have no control sometimes. So hang in there! Remind yourself how far you have come and how proud of yourself you'll be and how good you'll feel when you are in control again. I've also started saying, "What would people say on my blog if I told them I ate this???" To avoid the yelling at me, sometimes I just won't put the food in my mouth! You'll get back on track, I know. This is just a bump in the road on this very long journey. You can do it!!!

MMalloy said...

I'm here too Steph, whatever motivation you need!
You have some great ideas posted on here already. I know you can take control again. Tell that "fat girl" mentality "goodbye" for good!

No Where to Run ... said...

grrr! sometimes we get so hungry it doesn't matter if we want to be "good" we just need FOOD! and snacky foods are easy, fast calories.

but i like your new plan of attack!