This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Doctor Appointments, Diamonds & Drinking....

WOW - I have a thousand things to update about and also some interesting realizations that have come to me. First, I wound up visting the fertility doc on an emergency basis because that horribe progesterone didn't work - so I went through 10 days of swelling, sweating and crying for I thought. After talking to the doc he finally agreed to let me start on the next round of clomid so cross your fingers girls - I'm hoping that this month is it. If not, then I'm okay - I'm really trying to relax with this whole thing and not stay so stressed out about it. I'll keep you all updated though.

The diamonds and drinking came in yesterday. It was mine and the hubby's 3 year anniversary and so we planned an evening out. Just dinner and maybe a movie but a DATE nonetheless - now, normally I would freak out. Really, I cry when i have to go out to eat. In fact, this is a such a traumatic thing for me that I haven't eaten out in over a year...I just can't do it without totally getting myself worked up. Well I decided yesterday that I was going to relax with it and I did. We went out, had dinner (I did great with the food - grilled fish, green beans, spaghetti squash) but had A LOT of wine......a whole bottle - eek! Honestly, I don't feel bad at all about the evening - we had a great time and it really made me realize how much I miss not stressing about diets, calories, exercise, points, some point it isn't worth the headache AND heartache of missing out on your whole life. Rich and I actually got reconnect last night - we were a team again. We had fun and talked and laughed..........I had forgotten what it was like to be in love like that!

The diamonds part came in when I got my anniversary gift...........he bought me an amazing sapphire and diamond ring along with a gorgeous tear drop necklace to match.......I almost passed out. First he never buys jewelry unless I ask for it and second because I knew we would be paying for it for a long time.....the paying part was my common sense side coming out - didn't take me long to shut her up though! It is absolutely beautiful and our night was perfect! Those are the moments that make the hard times worth it........those are the memories that pull you through!

As for my affair with Gym - I missed last night, of course and I have to have an outpatient type procedure done on Thursday that will put me out of commission for that class I'll hit the circuit training/step class tonight and spin class on Saturday. That will make at least 3 hours of exercise for the week and I may try to sneak in another quickie on Friday??? Again, I'll do what I can but right now I'm enjoying not being so neurotic........maybe I should drink more often???

I have a ton of blogs to catch up on - I'll be lurking around and checking up on everyone. I just have to say to everyone that is on the healthy journey - it is a journey. I realized this morning that we get so caught up in wanting more and more or should I say less and less of ourselves that we forget to just appreciate what we have. If you have healthy children, hug them. If you have a hubby that adores you, love him back. If you have a great boss or friend, flash them a smile or send a thank you to them........take it from me, it is a sad thing to wake up and realize that you have made yourself miserable for soooo long. I caught a glimpse of who I used to be last night and I miss her - I miss being fun and laughing. Enjoying dinner, a glass of wine and good conversation. As much as I enjoyed last night, knowing that I've wasted the last year makes me many times have I passed up opportunities to be "me"??? Don't pass up opportunities - be proud of who you are and what you've done - we have accomplished so much and we should be celebrating every day!!



jodi said...

i like your last paragraph and totally agree - we need to focus on the here and now and be HAPPY with what we have... as my therapist used to say, "why are you worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet? you're missing what's going on right now"... so true... :o)

MMalloy said...

The ring and necklace sound beautiful and you deserve them. You are in my prayers and I know that all these doc visits and treatments will be worth it.
I think maybe, just maybe, stress can sometimes make our bodies 'off'...heres to the stressfree, soon to be prego Steph!!!
Your last paragraph was really what I needed today. Dereks parents are coming into town on Friday and want to bring us out to eat. I have been stressing about "how many points do I have" "what can I eat" etc... I think I'll just relax and go with it, have fun for the night!

Scale Junkie said...

Wow! That sounds like quite a wonderful night! Happy Anniversary!!

Thank you for making me feel so normal. To hear you say you'd rather not eat in a restaurant because you're so wrapped up in diet, exercise and points...I'm trying so hard to find balance. I want results now but seeing your words make me realize I have to learn to live along the way. Thank you for your kind words on my blog, your comments always lift my spirits because I know you've been where I am and have the confidence I'll be where you are some day too.

holly said...

Congrats on your anniversary, and the ring/necklace sound amazing. I also liked the last paragraph - living in the moment and being happy about where are at right now is so important! Those are some great words of encouragement, thank you! :)

Kate said...

Aw, I love ya girl! Your posts always hit home with me.

I totally freak out about going out to dinner too (which is rather interesting when your trying to date lol), but I don't cry, I actually get pist that I have to go out. But I'm learning to deal with it, and I'm learning what "safe foods" are.

The wine, I used to be a total lush lol (only the finest $2 wine of course!), maybe that's what I need? Wonder how many points are in a bottle lol.

Steph said...

Well according to calorieking it is about 10 to 12 per bottle......not too bad since I only indulge once or twice a year!

Amanda said...

What a great date!!!! I'm so glad you were able to get out and enjoy yourself with the hubby!! And what an amazing gift!! He spoiled you this year!!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the Clomid this month. Let go of the stress and let yourself enjoy the baby making process :) Let's home your announcing your little one soon!!!

Bonita said...

What a great way to spend your anniversary! It is so true that we have to enjoy what we have and not dwell on what we don't or on what is not "that" important. Being with my BF has taught me that. Sometimes I have to stop and look at how much I worry about things...and just remember to enjoy what we have.

Hope this month is the month for you!

Frances said...

What a wonderful post!! You are so right! And I am so happy to hear that you had a great anniversary. I love ya girl and I'm glad that you were able to remind yourself of the importance of nuturing your happiness.

My fingers are crossed for you hun!

Tina said...

I loved that comment that you left for me when I was taking a break for the weekend. I can't forget that this is a lifelong journey.

I hope and pray that everything works out for you. We're here for you throughout your many journeys!

Happy Anniv!

Miss July...not...yet said...

Sounds like a lovely anniversary. Good luck on the clomid too. I used it for my ds and couldn't have been happier!

melissious said...

Wow, that was absolutely awesome. What a revelation! I'm so glad you had such a great time last night! I'm like that too with "dates" with my husband. Well, not so much about the food, etc, but I work it up so much, like what it should be like, etc., that if the slightest thing goes wrong, I let it ruin the whole thing. I loved your positive post! It's the same with the ttc thing, I think. If you can relax (maybe with a glass - or bottle - of wine) maybe something will come of it. :) You're such an inspiration!!! ((hugs)) back atcha!

Swizzlepop said...

Happy late anniversary, I can't believe I didn't comment sooner! I totally started to and not really sure what happened.
Yay for old, comfortable, fun Steph making an appearance, hang on to that feeling so that you can repeat it!
Hope your outpatient procedure went well.

YAY for diamonds, Ken did good! :)

PS, I think "fat Stephanie" needs to reread the last paragraph of this post again because you totally said what you need to hear right now.