So yesterday I woke up so swollen that I could barely get shoes on. My usually lose pants felt tight and binding so I was basically a Barbie bitch all day. I went from crazy crying spells to furious vents of anger.......it was not a pretty day in Barbie land. In fact, it got so bad that I totally blew off the gym and just went home. I didn't eat bad but I really struggled to make myself eat something during the day. I contemplated all kinds of crazy diet tricks to shake the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few days.....I was basically irrational for most of the day. Fast forward to after work and you will see Barbie sitting on the floor in front of YET ANOTHER pregnancy test, praying that maybe, by some chance that was what the problem was.......ummmmm, NO - not that I didn't already know that since I had taken 3 in the last 2 weeks but it upset me so the water works started up again. God poor my poor Ken was ragged from all the work (holidays in retail SUCK), house renovations, packing, moving boxes, carpet installs and now his Barbie bride was standing in front of him totally dissolved about the fact that she would never be pretty enough, smart enough, good enough - you name it, I wasn't enough of it - well except for fat enough! The poor guy tried so hard to console me, make me laugh, hell he even tried to muster up some tears to shed with me.......NOTHING worked! I finally wound up burying myself in housework and then curled in bed with a book.
I got up this morning, dug around for shoes and clothes because my house is completely upside down still and headed into the office. I was still cursing TOM and the fertility gods because for whatever reason, my body can't cooperate and the f'ing hormones didn't seem to causing the artificial response that they were supposed to.......I pulled into the office dressed from head to toe in black - I looked like the corpse bride of Johnny Cash and to be completely honest with you, after yesterday I doubted anyone would speak to me anyway! Long story short, I was really really feeling rotten and bloated and just ick........feeling like that with no real explanation sucks so I was being pitiful. Not for long though - hallelujah TOM showed up!! I have never in my life been so excited to have Flo knock on my door. Now granted, the bitch hasn't been around for a while so she probably isn't going to be the nicest house guest but I don't care - I am so thankful for her appearance that I'm shouting it from the rooftops and telling everyone via my blog........okay after analyzing that last statement I'm thinking I may have really been scarred by this whole fertility problem??!! I will assure you all that I am not going to use this as my "what I'm thankful for" at the Thansgiving table - I'll have to come up with something else less exciting for that event!
I didn't exercise last night but I'm going to kick ass tonight! I also haven't weighed lately because I'm really trying to focus on important things like muscle and health BUT I have to weigh in at the gym on Monday for a "no gain" challenge that the gym is doing.......I'm thinking this will be great incentive for me to keep up the workouts and stay out of the candy dish? Actually, I'm not so worried about the food part but more about slacking on my exercise due to parties, family stuff, shopping, etc.
Oh, BTW - anyone ever heard of Blueberry Salad?? It is a family favorite in my house and I have come up with a points friendly version - I'll post it in a bit! It is sooooo yummy and typically what I eat for dessert (although MIL serves it with dinner). HUGS to all!