Lately I've been a bit melancholy with this whole weight, health, gym, exercise, diet, food game that we play. Sometimes I get so sick of thinking about every single thing that I do - calculating points, fat ratios, carbs, proteins, eating for life, eating for muscle.........geez, for once I want to just FREAKING EAT!! I want to sit down at the table and be "normal" and eat a meal.....the problem is, I'm not built that way nor is the rest of the population. Let me clarify - we were all built to eat but what we now consider normal is not correct. I hardly imagine that past persons belived Mickey D's for every meal to be okay let alone normal. Nor did they imagine that eating an entire box of Hamburger Helper was proper nutrition. In essence, they ate to live and work. Food was not nearly as social as it is now and they didn't spend half of their day thinking about what was for dinner.......my how things have changed and how these changing times have caused our waistlines to change!
So on to my rant - I'm just tired. I feel like the gym isn't paying off....I know it is because I feel better.....but today I don't care about feeling better or health benefits or longevity or endurance or any of that bullshit........today I want to be skinny - I want to put my pants back on and not feel them pulling against my thighs......I want to not be self conscious and I want to weigh 10 pounds less!! DAMNIT - suddenly I am snapped back into reality and I remember that when I was 10 pounds less, I still wanted to be 10 pounds less........the difference in then and now is that now I don't take anti-depressants, now I work hard and feel like a rockstar when i leave the gym, now I can boast about my kicking ass with the weights, now I can feel my muscles burn and not think that my body has self combusted! So I still can't just sit down and eat without thought but at least when I do overdo it, I know I can head straight to my new found lover, Gym, and he will make it better - not okay but better!
Now that I'm finished being crybaby Barbie, I want to head back in the direction of what started this whole thing. Last night, after literally having to drag my ass into the gym for a hard workout, I was starved. I needed something and based on my past experiences, I knew that sweaty jello was not a good thing! I stopped at the drugstore to see if I could find my favorite low carb bar (Snickers Marathon - yummo!) but they didn't have any.....I started hunting around for the next best thing and was torn between a curves bar and a fiber one bar......I hate spending calories on those things.....I just don't feel like I'm getting any real substance for my calories. Tonight was no different.....I opted for the Curve bar because it was only a 100 calories and I really wanted to eat dinner when I got home.........all I can say is wimpy - I wasn't impressed.......it was okay but for 100 calories i wanted substance and something that was slightly filling - I noticed on the package that it said fiber to keep you full - okay??? I wasn't full but maybe my idea of full is skewed?? Not sure but next time I'm going to stop at the grocery store and pick up an apple or something. I hate wasting valuable calories on "wimpy" foods. I say that and feel like my dad when he used to tell me as a kid, "you have no idea of the value of a dollar until you have had to work for it!!"......yeah, I feel that way now...."I had no idea the value of 100 calories until I had to work for it!!".........it took me 20 minutes of weights to work off that crappy bar - damn, now I'm mad again!