This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I Told Him Not To but HE DID IT ANYWAY!!

Hmmmm - how to sum up the first half of this week in one word - rough! Yeah, Aunt Flo is kicking my ass right now and on top of that I am weaning myself off of some anti-depressant meds that the doc put me on last year - I am actually very excited about getting rid of the meds and can attribute my ability to do this to EXERCISE. It's the truth - exercise is better than Effexor any day!! Honestly, I have no idea why that quack doctor put me on that crap last year other than I went into his office in tears because I hadn't been able to sleep - evidently he confused insomnia and sleep deprivation for depression. Finally made it to my usual doctor and he agreed that I don't need the meds - now I just have to deal with the withdrawls...........that part sucks!

My poor sweet hubby has been amazing..........sometimes he can really suprise me with his super sensitive self. He has been very supportive and "available". He reminds me that I'm doing great and has been encouraging me to get to the gym as this really does help with the down times. All in all, I'm doing pretty good with it except for me eating...........I haven't done bad, per say, but I have been eating an average of 28 points a day..........this isn't too bad because I have been exercising but I've been consuming a lot of this crap at night...........the boredom and insomnia have gotten the best of me over the last few days. Not to mention TOM is here and like I said - she is kicking my ass!! I'm hanging in there though and today is a new day, right??? I'm a little afraid of what Friday will bring, especially since I feel like a beached whale right now.

Speaking of my Ken - he confessed last night - he googled my blog and read it..........I don't know how I feel about it really. I had specifically asked him not to read it because I needed the ability to talk openly about my "issues" without fear of judgement from anyone. He said that it made him laugh and cry all at the same time. He apologized of course and promised not to read it again...........I guess I can't be too mad at him because I probably would have done the same thing but just never told him that I did it. I guess we all have our insecurities and he did say that he freaked out a bit when he saw my post labeled "I want a divorce" - poor guy!! He really is great in the sense that he allows me to whine about my weight and obsess over food and exercise. He doesn't criticize and tells me every single day that I'm beautiful and sexy..........I know that he adores me - hell he more than adores me and for the most part I take that for granted. With all of his wonderful traits, he still doesn't fully understand my paranoia with food and fat and weight.......he tries but if you have never really experienced it then you just can't fully understand. I really do have to give him credit though - he tries so hard and God knows I don't make it easy!

I still have yet to post about the insane class on Saturday - I have to get that down because if I didn't get a good workout then at least I got a good reminded me a bit of Dancing With The Stars meets Sweatin to the Oldies! Watch out Richard Simmons! Gotta run - another all day meeting today.......wish me luck........must stay awake!!!


WeightBGone said...

Thats great news you will be getting off the anti-depressent meds. I'm sure withdrawal isnt easy but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

It's wonderful your dh gives you so much support. My hubby is good about that also even though I'm sure he often thinks I am the CRAZY lady!! LOL

If my dh knew how to find my blog I know he'd read it too. I am NOT explaining to him how to do that! It's my little secret. :)

I hope your day is a fantastic one just like you!

MMalloy said...

Those Kens!! Your DH sounds wonderful and so supportive. I know first hand how hard it can be to get off ADs, but things do go back to normal. I am so happy to hear the excercise is helping you in this way, how great is that!!!
You will do fine on Friday, even if it isn't a loss, you know and we all know that you are doing great and you will see the results!

Amanda said...

So glad to hear you are getting off the meds! What's even better is that exercise has led you to this point. That is just amazing!!!

Poor Ken. Will he ever learn!??!? :) He will, just give him time. But hey, maybe if you put in your blog that you really need some diamond earrings, he will get the hint?!?! LOL!!! :0)

Jo said...

Getting off the meds is going to be great for you, I bet! Good luck in the in-between stages, you'll get through it and be better than ever :)

LOL @ your instructor. Umm... I'm not a fan of many of the people who instruct or are die-hard "pure" salsa fans. I learned from some friends from NY who are all about feeling the music and not quite ballroom about it. So I love dancing in a steamy club more than a stuffy room... But I am going to try the real stuff because I am dying to be the one spinning up a storm out there, lol. I'll be taking pointers from you on how to put up with people screaming at you without punching them in the nose.

Swizzlepop said...

OMG I think I would lose my effing mind if anyone I knew IRL found and read my blog. That is why I am so hesitant to post any pics.

Kens really are great, they just don't "get it" sometimes. I know mine adores me but also thinks I'm insane and lost my mind most of the time, and sometimes he's right ;).

Effexor? YUK, they put me on that once for something else and I had a horrible reaction to it that I couldn't last more than 3 days. I'm really glad that you are getting off of it. Withdrawls are a bitch but just remember that they do go away and you'll feel like yourself in a few weeks.

Scale Junkie said...

Your Ken sounds wonderful but I totally understand wanting to keep your blog private from him. My husband reads my blog and I know I hold back because of it. I don't post that I weigh 367 pounds or that I started off weighing 425 pounds or that I need to lose 245 pounds. Honestly I was feeling discouraged about it and I didn't even think losing 245 pounds was possible and then by some miracle I clicked on your blog this morning and I saw your picture and now I know it is possible and its not some Kimkims scam but someone who really put in the hard work of diet and that dreaded exercise. I know you don't want your husband to read but I just wanted to thank you for putting so much of yourself out there on this blog for people like me who need to follow in your footsteps and lose 245 pounds.