So after my Friday weigh in I was sooooo excited - I mean literally, I felt my pants get too big right away! Suddenly my fat jeans that I had been hanging on to for dear life were doomed for the trashcan.......now mind you these are the jeans that were the epitomy of Linus' security blanket off of Charlie Brown - but now suddenly, they were not worthy to cover my somewhat smaller ass! So I got in an hour of weights and hit the bingo hall with the in-laws! Yeah, I know, great way to celebrate my success - a smoky room full of old ladies screaming BINGO, not to mention the lovely scent that cigarette smoke and stale grease leaves on you........yuck! Of course in my excitement I told the MIL that my life had improved because I finally saw the scale move - she congratulated me but did remind me that my life is not based on the scale - she has no idea how wrong she is!!
Saturday was the step/weights class - it was fun but exhausting.........I didn't know that one person could sweat like that - now this is where I say WHY??? Why is it that I have a good weigh in and I automatically think I can indulge.......now I wasn't BAD BAD but I know that excess carbs/starch just doesn't work for me.......so what do I do - hmmmmm, consume 2 huge bowls of popcorn, a piece of cake (well 2 if you count the middle that I picked at before I iced it - I had to double my icing batch to cover the hole that I dug in the damn cake!!), too much fruit (I limit myself to 1 serving a day, on a normal day - I was far from "normal" over the weekend) and too much eating because I should. When I say "eating because I should" I mean that because all I had on Sunday was a sugarfree snowcone and popcorn, I ate even when I wasn't hungry........eating isn't bad but what I should have done is had a real meal rather than shoveling in handfulls of popcorn. All in all, I didn't go over in points really but I just made crappy choices. I was less choosy than I should have been and I have really been trying to be picky about what I put into my body - I want to fuel my body the right way rather than picking through crap just because.
So back to my question, WHY do I get that mindset after a good weigh in - like I can trick the scale or tempt fate........hmmmm let's see just how much i can get away with??? I'm not beating myself up because I am still really excited about my loss but I just wish that rather than always looking at my life as a diet of some sort, I could just see it as a way of life. I long to be the girl who just eats to live.......you know - food isn't a big deal to her..........to me, food is a part of who I am. I love to cook, I love to eat and I have no stop button. I will say that last night I did stop eating before I felt gross and over full - that was a huge change from my normal routine! The only thing that I really know is that I learn something new about myself almost every day - just when I think I have it figured out something changes - WTH!!
Today I'm totally back on track - getting back to work is always good for me! BTW - thank you all for the congrats and for being so supportive......few people really understand how insane the scale can make you!! I (((HEART))) you all!