This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I Lied....

When I said that I had an okay eating weekend evidently I lied.......see I forgot about the chocolate sprinkle debacle that happened on Saturday morning - well I forgot about it until I went to the grocery store last night and realized what a punch those little bastards pack - so here is how it went down:

Saturday morning arrives with dear Barbie feeling a bit under the weather - not really sick but more the lovely "hangover/detox" feeling - basically like I had been run over by a tractor trailer and for some reason I determined that chocolate would revive me??? Being the neurotic Barbie that I am, I don't stock chocolate in the house - yeah, I'm the mom that throws out the chocolate syrup even though my kid loves it........I just don't keep that trigger food around - no can do. So in light of this info - I begin hunting for chocolate.......although i feel like total ass I somehow manage the gumption to begin a thorough scavenger hunt - seriously, I resembled a sick, twisted Survivor participant. This was a bad deal.........I'm rummaging through cabinets, cupboards, the fridge, freezer - damn it - why oh why do I have to be such a freak of nature and not have one drop of chocolate??? At this point it is a good thing that the hubby was working in the garage because I could have mowed him down given just the slightest reason.

Suddenly it hits me and I remember the chocolate sprinkles from the Christmas Cookie Catastrophe of 05 - yeah I know - they're 2 freakin years old but at this point I'm desperate. I find the bottle.......I looked like a fucking alcoholic.....my hands are shaking, I've been sweating from the fevered search and I stink cause I haven't showered yet but damnit I have the bottle of choco - geez, I'm pathetic! I unscrew the cap and realize that I've pretty much lucked out cause the bottle is almost full - surely this should be enough to ease my pain and soothe the shitty feeling that is coursing through my body......they're generic sprinkles - not even the good stuff but hey when you're a junkie, somedays you take what you can get. I sniff them and inhale the aroma of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - someone tell me why in the hell don't chocolate sprinkles have a smell??? Maybe that would have detered me.......maybe then I could have saved myself from drowning in the whole damn bottle - maybe a whiff would have helped bring me back to reality - nah, probably not. So I sniff them, smell nothing and tip my head back with bottle to my lips. The first nibble of "sprinkle" tastes a bit waxy - nothing like a good chocolate bar or the likes.......I need to take another "sip" - hmmm, my brain is now numb to taste, smell and LOGIC - finally I just downed the whole damn bottle. Of course, right at this point, my Ken walks in to find his Barbie, clad in a sweaty nightgown, hair sticky with sweat, smelling like a 3 day old hangover and mouth full of small hard choco bits - he looks a bit confused, kind of like who the hell are you and what have you done with my wife??? I smile, he frowns and I immediatley realize that I have just given myself away - I'm standing there grinning like a cheshire cat with shit on her teeth.......cute, I'm sure. He asks what I'm doing, I choose not to respond - there is no need to go through the babbling Barbie speech, complete with tears, sobs, choking, snot and other assorted sound effects/bodily fluids..........it's pointless and I'm busted. The great thing is that I'm not too traumatized, Ken never mentions it and we go about our merry way. I then enter the week feeling relatively smug about beating the bitch that is anti-depressants while staying fairly on target with the food..........hmmmm, well I felt that way until I hit the grocery store yesterday and just for kicks I decided to read the nutritional value on the chocolate sprinkles - see the generic shit doesn't offer calories or fat - I mean who the hell eats a whole bottle in one sitting?? The good stuff though, does offer nutritional info and what do you think that info is........hmmmm, maybe if I replayed my gasps and shrieks of horror you could take a wild guess......well my friends - 1 bottle is 23 servings and each serving is 20 calories SO - 1 freaking bottle of chocolate sprinkles cost me 460 calories..........460 F'ING calories of nothing - waxy, I don't have a smell or taste, NOTHINGNESS!!! Stupid Barbie Stupid Barbie - so lesson learned - I will never understimate the calories in ANYTHING!!

6 comments:

Scale Junkie said...

People don't understand that food addiction is like a drug addiction. I've had frosting from the can, try explaining to Ken why there is a half eaten can of frosting in the fridge when we haven't had cake in a year or better yet, what really happened to the jar of peanut butter...no it didn't fall and break and have to be thrown away (peanut butter mixed with baking cocoa tastes nothing like a Reeses cup btw) and if I was a little cranky after the peanut butter jar broke, it was simply because I was full of shit...literally. Steph I've been there and I fear I'll always be a food freak too. At least I'm in good company. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Candace said...

Oh my! You know, I am a fan of celebrating what we do right - after all, this IS about breaking old habits. This IS about creating new ones. Celebrate the good, Download the bad, and we move on.

So, we learned that exercise helps the way we feel, drug withdrawal is bad, and wax sprinkles are only good for decorations. And we move on.

Kate said...

You just made me chuckle.

I once wanted oreo cookies (which I refuse to keep in the house), and I didn't have them, so when scavenging through the cabinets I come across a pre-baked oreo pie shell. Yup, ate the whole thing! I so know what you were going through!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Yet another chocolate debacle. When WILL you learn Barbie, when WILL YOU LEARN??? :)

NCChris said...

So, we learned that exercise helps the way we feel, drug withdrawal is bad, and wax sprinkles are only good for decorations. And we move on.

still chukling about that one, Candace.

Steph - it's life - we have good days and bad days. Ups and downs. Sane & insane. See above quote. We love you and can all sympathize!

-Chris

MMalloy said...

Hope everything is okay! Miss hearing from you!