So this is my third attempt at actually posting another entry..........damn talk about a headache! I'm still not sure how or even if this thing works? Okay enough complaining. I have 2 other "thoughts" to post but that will have to wait until I get logged onto the laptop. They were basically more yadda yadda about goals and resolutions.
Today is Saturday and currently I have 6 ten year old boys hanging out at my house......sometimes I have no idea how or why I get myself into these things! Actually they have been rather subdued other than the loud screaming and an occassional nerf bullet to the head. As for me I am just sitting...existing....wondering....trying to make sense. I feel disconnected somehow. I feel as though I just live and exist in my own home. Does that sound stupid? Of course it does.....let me clarify. I feel very disconnected from my husband...okay there...it has been said.....it is real and now has weight. There seems to be this tension that sits in the air.....we just pass each other now. I love him and I know that he loves me but the lull that is between us at this point is more than just being comfortable and settled. It is almost smothering. Like being alone all the time except sharing a bed and bathroom. It makes me sad and scared. What if we don't pull out of this....what if I'm just being irrational??? I don't think so.........I think that we have let things unravel and the edges have now frayed. My question is how do you fix that? How do you reconnect?
I heard a story that a couple was walking through the woods and came upon a tree that had been struck by lightening. It appeared that the tree was completely destroyed and burnt; however, out of a crack at the base of the tree was a new sapling growing. Proof that God can take something that our carnal eye views as lost and make something new. Such is the same with our lives, marriages, friendships, careers, etc. God in his infinite power will start something new if we will only open our hearts to that fact. Only He knows what is truly best for our lives and only He can mend a broken heart or "sprout a sapling". I guess my goal for today and for the next day and the next is to trust Him. To hold on to the commitments and promises that were made almost 2 years ago. To rely on the Lord for his counsel and guidance....to trust that He will provide.