This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Life, Love & the Pursuit of SLEEP!

Ughhhh - not sure where to start except to say please forgive me for being MIA lately. I have been crazy busy with work, training meetings and family/work Christmas functions. Can you say overload?? On a good note, my eating is okay and my clothes are fitting better - on a bad note, the scale is jacking with me. I weighed today at the doctors office and it looks like I'm not really losing??? I know the last couple of weeks I've been sick and slacking more than I like at the gym but my calories have been fairly in check - I guess maybe I'm burning muscle with my weight training??? Although, I feel that sometimes I'm not doing things right or enough of them.........guess the inches prove otherwise? One thing that I do know is that I feel better and I really don't have a lot of time to waste freaking about it!

Thank you all for your sweet comments on our pictures. I got so many "your beautiful" comments that I almost believed it - haha! Why is it that we see ourselves so differently than others see us?? I look at those pictures and a whole host of yucky thoughts run through my head..........I hate that! The one thing I am sure of is that I look MUCH better now than I did a few years ago!

Last thing before I collapse into bed - visited the Fertility Doc today. Not much to report other than we are now moving on to using Clomid and of course there will be the usual invasive tests AGAIN! I keep wondering why I have to have the uterus from hell??? It's been giving me grief my whole life and all I ask is that it work right 1 freakin time.........not so much though! If the Clomid doesn't work this month then we will go to injectable drugs.......can you say EXPENSIVE! That could drain our savings in a heartbeat. This whole process has become frustrating to the point of tears. In fact, I was in my car on the way to the Fertility God's office....I was crying out of frustration and longing........I do that sometimes so it isn't like a huge thing for me. I was basically having a mini pity party and I suddenly passed by a church with a sign that read "Don't be afraid, you are right were God wants you to be". So that's what I'm going to do - I'm going to hang in there and remember that above all things I'm blessed. Even when I'm frustrated and angry.......I'm still blessed. I have a great family and support network - baby barbie will be along soon!

HUGS to you all!


Kate said...

Sounds like you have a great outlook on things. Sometimes I think our bodies way of tell us that it's cool where it's at is the lose 5, gain 5 cycle. I was doing that before I threw in the towel, and gained some back. Now I'm trying to lose those again and some more.

Hang in there for the holidays, and be glad that we aren't one of the "average" people who gain 11lbs between thanksgiving and new years...whew!

MMalloy said...

Thanks for the hug, and give yourself one back from me! I needed that today. You are blessed, and I am glad to hear your positivity (I don't think that is actually a word, but hey!)!
Congrats on feeling a loss, maybe the scale just hasn't caught up!
You know that you are in my prayers, and I know that you will be blessed with a little one soon, you deserve this blessing so much!!! Just think, everything you are going through now will make you stronger and the blessing that much more special!

Colette said...

Second month on Clomid did the trick for me, bet it will for you too sister!!
Hang tough, its worth it and so are you!!

I <3 you

Swizzlepop said...

Just wanted to send you a hug. You can always email me if you want to chat. My issues are slightly different but we both want the same thing. Hopefully there will be all sorts of new babies in 2008 and maybe we'll each get our own :) Baby bloggers gotta be cute right? :) (((((HUGS)))))