This picture makes me cry!

This picture makes me cry!
Thought it was time to change my picture

Friday, September 19, 2008

So this is probably stupid but I need advice

As everyone knows this is my first child but not my hubby's. Over the last few months, I've endured many mentions of "remember when Nathan was born". I've also listened to my husband tell me how we didn't need this or that because they didn't use it with Nathan - I finally had enough when we went to register and I broke down. I realize that he has done this before and I know that I'll never see the look on his face when he is presented with his first son......Will will be his second son - it won't be the spectacular miracle that it was for him the first time - we won't share that same wonder. That makes me sad but I'm dealing with it - I know that Rich will love Will with all of his heart but I also know that I will continue to endure the constant comparision of DH's first son to Will. Not just by my husband but also his parents.........I can live with that as long as Will doesn't ever feel like he is living in Nate's shadow.

Okay so on to my real problem - I have the option to deliver at 2 different hospitals that are right across the street from each other. One hospital is where Nathan was born and is where my doctor's office is. The other is a smaller hospital but has good care. The doctor delivers at both but would prefer that I deliver where his office is located for convenience sake. My issue is that I don't want to have to worry about whether my husband is thinking about his first wife and his first son the whole time I'm having Will. I guess I just want this experience to have some sort of uniqueness for least at a different hospital I won't have to hear "oh this is where we did this or that" or "do you remember when Nathan was born and we were here"........I want for once during this pregnancy for Rich and I to experience something completely "new" together - even if it is just a hospital room.

So is that stupid.......should I just opt for the hospital where my doc would prefer I deliver??


Dawn said...

Oh gosh Steph! I just don't know. I am not a good person to offer advice on this b/c I just haven't experienced it. I feel like I would just tend to lean towards where my Dr. preferred to deliver and then have a talk with my husband about how I was feeling. But I can totally see where you are coming from and how you want Will's delivery to be unique and at a different hospital it would be. I feel like though I would do what I said above, I think. I mean you never know until you are in that specific situation. I know you will make the decision that is best for you and your fam.

Kate said...

I can understand your problem, I mean I feel this way whenever a boyfriend mentions something he did with an ex,and how they did it this way, you just want an experience of your own.

I think you need to do what will make you happy. If that means delivering at the small hospital do that. If you think you can make the experience your own at the larger hospital do that.

Although, I will tell you, I doubt that the day will is born, the hubby will be thinking of anything but you and will.

Caroline said...

I don't think this is stupid at all! It comes down to where you will be more comfortable, and it sounds like you'll be more comfortable in the other hospital where you won't have to even worry whether he's thinking of "this is what we were doing the first time." Even if it's all in your head and no one is thinking anything like that, it's a valid concern for you. You should be completely focused on the birth of your child, and if you think you will be more relaxed and in a better state of mind at the smaller hospital, then I think you are completely justified in doing that.

JODI said...

i think you should follow whatever your gut is telling you... regardless of what the doctor or your hubby says - do what feels right for YOU... this will be a day that you'll remember forever so it's as much yours, as theirs... remember that and besides, you're the one delivering!

and my vote goes for the chocolate brown/light blue bag (with polka dots)... how adorable! :o)

Amanda said...

Do what makes YOU comfortable. You are the one pushing that watermelon out--it's YOUR decision. I hate that you are going through this though. :(

The day Will is born will be a special day to everyone! It's a day that you will celebrate for the rest of eternity! :) And you will remember every last detail...I did for both of mine. So you need to enjoy it. So deliver where you will feel the most comfortable.

MtngirlinCali said...

Oh, Steph......your hubby loves you SO much. Any child he has with you-- your FIRST child together-- will evoke an equally strong emotion from him, I am sure of it. You need to remember that Will is a miracle for both of you and that your hubby won't feel like his birth is any less important or significant than Nate. But as to the hospital, pick with your gut. This birth is all about you and your comfort. Nobody should or would question you on that. :) Big hugs!!

MMalloy said...

I agree with everyone else. You should not feel stupid at all for wanting to make this experience new and different for you both. Go with whatever will make you feel comfortable.
I know this doesn't compare on any level but when Derek and I first started dating we took a trip to Florida. He had been to Florida once before with his ex-gf and the entire week he would make little comments like "when X and I came here we went to this beach" or if we were someplace new he would say "the resteraunt X and I went to had better views" etc.. what I am getting at is that even though the smaller hospital is a new place, still prepare yourself for comparisions. I know that whichever you choose will be special and that day will be new and exciting for both you and Rick.

Sarah said...

Most likely it won't matter because at the other hospital you could hear "this room is much smaller than Nathan's was" or "the hospital where Nathan was born was much cleaner" etc. I think the true issue is asking your husband to ban all talk of your stepson's birth while you are giving birth and have him pass that along to your in-laws. Pregnancy is the only time we have full rights to being as sensitive as we want to be even if others don't get it!

Frances said...

Steph This baby will be just as special as Nathan because it's YOUR baby. (YOUR=Yours & Rich's) It's YOUR first baby together. It will be just as magical trust me.

You should be at whatever hospital you feel the safest and most secure. That is more important than any memories the hubby might have. Trust me when the big event is underway Neither one of you will be thinking about anything but the newest edition to your family.

And don't be too surprised if Will actually steals the spotlight from Nathan. After all I know the kid will have your amazing personality!

Candace MacPherson said...

Not stupid to worry about that at all Steph. Talk to Rich about it. Tell him he can have his memories, but to let you enjoy the magic that is YOUR child. In other words, there are certain things he DOESN'T need to share with you. Also, as someone who has had 2 children, trust me that Will's birth will be the only thing everyone in that room is concerned about wherever that room is. I don't think Ci crossed my mind until after J was borne and I told Mark to call and let her know that she was a big sister. Over half way there, sister - you look fantastic.

anna said...

hey steph,

i know i'm reading this late...but i wanted to say something. i have had 2 babies with my husband. and each one has been no LESS special and amazing than the last. infact, i felt like my husband was even more amazed at the miracle of life with our second. i don't know how to explain it. we are having our second son and third child in a couple of months and i expect this experience to be NO LESS spiritual and amazing.

regardless of this being your husband's second child and second son, YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED after the birth of your son. AND you remember, YOU are the WOMAN in his life, whom he loves and adores. it will be a miracle that the two of you will share FOREVER.